Love and Hate
by PatriciaPais
Summary: The line between love and hate is said to be a very thin one. Post Season 6.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclamer:** I obviously don't own any of the characters related to this story. This is just a scenario created by a fan, frustrated with the ending given to the series.

Sit back, relax...and hopefully...enjoy!

* * *

"Mother are you busy?" her son asked from the door frame that lead to her office. He hugged the frame as if he was not entirely sure of what he was doing, or if he should do it.

"Hmm…yes Henry, but I can spare a moment or two for you!" Blair replied, putting down her pen and moving away from the computer. The break was welcomed, since her back was starting to ache from the position.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"But of course honey! What is the matter? Is something bothering you?" she could sense that something was going on. Her son was a very serious little boy, a product of his father's education, but there was always something joyful about him; and now he just looked plain serious and somewhat hesitant.

"Mother are you…are you happy?" his young voice trembled slightly as he pushed his question out. Blair was completely set back by this. What had started this conversation?

"Don't I look happy to you honey? " she looked at him tenderly as she extended her arms to him. Henry rapidly understood what that meant, and ran to his mother arms. "You know that I am very busy, almost all the time, but that doesn't mean that I'm unhappy! On the contrary, I love what I do, _did she?_, we have a wonderful house_, that she did_, I have your father, and the best of all…I have Dorota!", she smiled tenderly at him, "Just kidding! Not that I don't adore Dorota, don´t tell her, but the best of the best of the best is, without any doubt…you!" she said as she placed her index finger in his nose. "So don't mistake work with unhappiness, alright honey?"

"Understood!"

"And now, can I ask where does this question comes from?"

"Well...my friend's parents are divorcing, and when I asked him why, he said that his mother said that she was not happy. So I was wondering if you were happy."

"You have nothing to worry about, I am quite happy" she reasured him one more time.

Henry left running and with a peaceful smile on his face. She looked as he exited her office, closing the door behind him. The "clicking" sound of the lock rang in her ears, and that brief moment with her son sank in.

_Am I really happy?_

* * *

Dan rested his head on his hands, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply - another creative block. Lately he felt like he was always reaching a dead end with his writing. He would get frustrated; go for a walk; go back home; sit in front of his computer; read his story; delete; re-write and…block again.

Suddenly he felt a warm, light touch on his shoulder that quickly turned into a caress.

"Needing your muse?", Serena whispered sensually next to his ear. She then followed by placing quick kisses over his jaw line.

"Hmmmmm…"

She proceeded by returning to his ear and playing with his ear lobe, with her tongue.

"Hmmm…Serena…hmm…love…I…", he managed to formulate, feeling that his mind would soon be completely clouded by lust. He grabbed her by her waist, and pulled her onto his lap. "You drive me crazy, did you know that?"

"I had an idea!"

Dan kissed her passionately. Their tongues entwined on a fervors battle for domination. One of his hands rested on the back of her head, her hair slipping through his fingers; the other explored her body. When he felt her warm hand sneaking beneath his shirt, shivers were sent through his body. He had to have her.

He placed her, somewhat brusquely on his table. She got the message, because her legs automatically parted so that he could better access her body. His chest crashed against hers, and he gave turned his attention to her neck and shoulder blade.

Later he would have to definitely delete this afternoon's work, since all that could be read on his word page was a pattern that consisted of: " gdshklllllllllllllllllsjdddd dddddddojfsdj".

His hands started to pay attention to her breasts, and he caressed them gently on top of her summer dress. She foundled his hairs passionately giving him the confirmation that she was enjoying this moment.

"You..."_kiss _"...are..." _kiss_ "...so..." _kiss_ "...beautiful!"

"I want you…" she murmured between moans.

Without hesitation he removed her panties, and feeling the moist in her core, he positioned himself and entered her in one movement. A gasp escaped her lips that he immediately covered. Her nails pursed on his back, leaving red marks; and his ministrations started. He moved at a fast pace, as this was rather an act of lust and need, not of love. When they were making love, he was the most careful lover, enjoying every second that he had inside of her; but now he just wanted to consume, and she, she just needed to be consumed.

He felt her gripping his member, and the feeling was overwhelming. He loved to fuck her, but he loved to make love to her the most. The sounds escaping her lips, helped to build up the atmosphere; and God wasn't it wonderfully sexy to fuck his wife on top of his desk, in the middle of the afternoon?

It didn't take him long to feel the end coming. He trusted deep into her and let his release with a grunt. He kept on moving for a little bit longer, waiting for her to follow him in that explosion of pleasure; which she did short after with a long, pleased moan.

He rested his head on her shoulder, while he tried to get his breath even. She caressed his hair, feeling pleased not only with the deed but with life itself. She was married to the love of her life...she could not ask for more.

"This was...hmmm...amazing" he smile "but I must go back to my obligations as an author, and as a provider for this family."

She kissed him lightly on his cheek.

"Still struggling with your new book?"

"It was so much easier to write, when I could write about the creme de la creme of the Uper East Side!"

"Well those days are over now...Miss Gossip Girl..." she planted another kiss on his cheek "...maybe you should go back to your origins, to what inspired you first!"

"Maybe I should!" he said placing a kiss on her lips.

"But this time, completely fictional with NO relation to any of our friends, deal?"

"Deal!"

She kissed him one more time, before she left him alone with his new book. He looked at the encrypted screen..._my origins...what inspired "Inside"..._and for the first time in a long time he thought about her. Her image came clear to his mind as if he just had looked at a picture. Beautiful as ever, with her chestnut brown curls dangling on her shoulders, she smiled at him - something that hasn`t happened for years - and he couldn't help but to smile back at the image that he had in his mind. It was silly really, but in a way it was endearing to see her at that light and not as the cruel bitch that she turned out to be. She barely talked to him anymore, not more than the circumstances would demand. She was his wife's best friend, Serena was the Godmother of her only child, she had planned their wedding and yet, he could not see her as a friend anymore; she was more of a noisance, a bother...something to be avoided. He wanted nothing to do with Blair W. Bass.


	2. Chapter 2

Her head was starting to ache again. She caressed her temples with her index finger, in an empty hope that it would somehow alleviate the pain, as she did so she closed her eyes.

_Are you happy?_

That question was bothering her more than she would let herself admit it. She had everything to be happy; she had everything that she could ever want: a luxurious penthouse; her dream job; a wonderful son and she was married to Chuck Bass.

_Yes…yes and yes and yes…I AM very happy!_

She went back to the drawings she had in front of her, not losing track of all the work she had to do if she wanted her company to top all other with their new Fall/Winter collection. The proposals from her designers were from bold to too classic – Blair felt exasperated as she could not establish a common link between the models that she had in front of her. But yet again, she was no designer! She left out a sight, turned around and looked outside the window.

The blue from the sky promised that a wonderful summer day was waiting for her outside. She couldn't remember the last time that she had truly enjoyed a summer day. Every time she had, she would be on vacation either with Chuck and Henry or only with Henry as Chuck would have to be somewhere else on business. Today she wanted the day to herself! That thought stung a little as she felt the weight of guilt falling upon her for not wanting to go out with her son; but sometimes you must take some time just for yourself, right?

She quickly dialled her best friend's number. Serena would be the perfect company for her, and she could use some girls' time.

"Hey B", Serena's voice brought her excitement to a whole new level. She was doing this, she was going to leave her papers on her desk and only look at them tomorrow.

"Hey S, how are you?"

"B are you calling to check on me?" she could ear Serena giggle on the other side of the line, and for the first time she noticed something else…the sound of cars passing by, several people talking at the same time, some construction noise…all in all…the sound of New York.

"S where are you?"

"Me? Well I was called to do a pop-up photo shooting, so I am on the way to meet Pierre – the photographer."

"Oh shoot!"

"Why? What is the matter?"

"Oh nothing really, I was just craving for some girls' time with my best friend but since she is busy I will have to be content with Dorota."

"Oh I'm sorry B! I would love to spend some quality time with you…I mean, it has been ages, no? When was the last time I saw you?"

"Hmm…that would have been at the Empire's re-launch party!"

"Exactly!" Serena sighted on the other side of the line and Blair, unconsciously mimicked her, "Well sorry B, but I really can't…maybe another time, alright? Listen, I gotta go…give kisses to that rascal godchild of mine!"

"I will", Blair couldn't help but to sound disappointed.

"Love you B"

"Love you too, S"

* * *

Dan stared at the semi blank word page. Semi blank because he had written on the top left side of the page: Origins.

Serena had told him to seek inspiration where he got it from his first book, but somehow the only thing that that book reminded him of was Blair! There had been so much behind it all: his frustrations as an outsider that never fit him; his love for Serena; the whole Brooklyn – Upper East Side conflict, but one way or another it all would crash down to Blair.

Gosh, if he would go back in time he would punch old Dan for the stupidity that was dating Blair Waldorf! He was utterly over her; the only thing that had remained from that relationship was a strong animosity.

He looked at the blank page again for a brief second. And then he typed: _Reasons why I went from loving the bitch, to hate her_. He probably shouldn't write this, but with his wife's request still very much fresh on his mind he started to type. Maybe, who knows, this would lead to his new book, a sort of "The Count of Montecristo" that was betrayed by the one he loved, tossed into despair and near downfall just so that in the end he raised from the ashes, more powerful than ever and with the awareness that his true love had been another all this time. _Nah_, it sounded too cheesy already. However he still typed:

_1 – She dumped me without a word, an explanation…anything._

Damn her! He felt rage building up inside just at the memory of those days. She broke his heart to go after Bass, and she didn't have the decency to tell him a single word. He had been her friend after all…when she most needed someone, he had been there.

_2 – She used me for solace, because no one else was available._

How could anyone, anyone normal, betray someone that had done everything for you? He had been there when she lost her baby, when she ran away from her groom, when she didn't know who the father of her unborn child was – he had been through it all. And at the end she disposed of him like if he was a tissue, you use and toss away.

_3 –She hated me when she got back from her summer with Chuck._

Well to be fair he did say that he didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore…but she didn't even fight it. He had seen her perseverance in so many other occasions and yet, with him she just let go. She gave him shelter when he needed, that was a fact but he felt like he had deserved more from her.

_4 – She forgot all that I have done for her, and set me aside on my darkest hour._

He had hurt them all…his so called friends, but deep inside he always thought that she would know him better, that she would fight for him…maybe not for his love, but for his redemption.

_5 – I really loved her._

And she was happily married to the man she traded him for. That had hurt him more than he would ever admit. There had been a time that he had wanted her back. That he hoped that she leaving him for Bass would have been some sort of plot, or even that she would regret it, come to his loft and beg for him to have her heart again. But she never did…and he never had her heart.

He printed that list, grabbed the paper and folded into a very small bundle that he placed on the back pocket of his pants. Still standing he deleted what he had written closed his laptop and headed off to a familiar place. To where he would always go when he needed to clear his head. And boy, did he had to clear it now…after bringing to the surface all this old feelings that he had buried and built a whole new life on top of. He hated her…he hated Blair W. Bass.

With that last thought on his mind he headed off his penthouse, to try to enjoy the wonderful summer day that was outside.

* * *

Blair could help but to feel disappointed that her instant project of spending the rest of the afternoon with her best friend had failed. What were the odds that today, of all days, Serena had work to do? The woman was a model; it was not like she was working all the times! But today she had to, and she had to accept it!

"Dorota!", Blair shouted to the emptiness of her office "Dorotaaaa!"

Nothing…

"Dorotaaaa!"

Very faintly she started to hear the sound of her maid's steps. The sound became clearer and then, when it stopped, Dorota's head peaked from her door, waiting for Blair to allow her in. With a nod from her boss's head, Dorota entered the office.

"You called Mrs. Blair?"

"I did indeed", Blair made a little pause for suspense and turned around to face the window, "Dorota when was the last time we fed the ducks?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Mrs. Blair why didn't you bring Master Henry to fed ducks?"

"Well, you can say that I wanted a girl's day" Blair replied dryly.

"Not with Mrs. Serena?" Blair shivered with the use of _Mrs._ for Serena. She should be used to it by now, but somehow whenever she would hear _Mrs. Humphrey_ some unpleasant feeling would settle in her stomach. It could only be the dislike that she nurtured towards that relationship, after all that rat had betrayed them all by spreading rumours and exposing their lives not only in the form of a book, but specially by being Gossip Girl.

"I was feeling nostalgic, alright?...that and Serena could not come."

"Something is bothering you Mrs. Blair, I know you too well…I can tell when something in your heart is upsetting you."

"Dorota, I am just trying to have a relaxed afternoon so please, spare me your questions and lame attempts to analysis."

"I just tried to help!"

She knew that Dorota would never have any pry intentions towards her. That woman basically raised her, and she had only her best interest at heart.

_Are you happy?_

That question echoed one more time in her head…after all it seemed that it had never left her subconscious. She forced it out of her mind, by breathing deep and turning her focus solely to the pound with the ducks right in front of her.

Dorota eyed her self-analytical expression, but decided not to pronounce a word. She wouldn't want to upset her further, and she was visibly upset.

"Chuck will not manage to return home for Henry's birthday." Blair finally spoke in a barely audible voice, not leaving the sight of the ducks in front of her, "I feel like we are drifting apart…I know that he tries his best to be present but in Chuck's list of priorities his work comes first, and his family second."

"Mrs. Blair and Mr. Chuck have to spend more time together and it will all be better again."

"Henry asked me today if I was happy?" there is was again, that bloody topic that she couldn't erase from her mind since that morning.

"And what you say?"

"I said yes of course!" she sounded surprised that Dorota was asking her that, and she couln't mask it from her voice. She felt like those words were meant more as reinsurance to Dorota than an actual solid statement.

"Are you really?"

Blair looked at Dorota shocked. How could she ask her that? Yes, she had just expressed how disappointed she was that Chuck wouldn't manage to return home for their son's birthday, but that in no means meant that she was unhappy, did it? Or has Blair not displayed signs of happiness?

She had taken longer than she should to reply. At this point telling her what she wanted to hear or what she wanted to make herself believe felt less and less an option.

"I don't know." It came out as a whisper.

"Mr. Dan?"

"What about him?"

"No Mrs. Blair..." Dorota pointed to a male figure that seemed to be approaching "...Mr. Dan!"

_That's exactly what I needed right now! _Blair thought sarcastically. The presence of Dan Humphrey hadn't been one that she found pleasurable since the day that she found out that he had had sex with her best friend while they were, technically, still together. It had hurt her so badly that he chose to cheat on her with Serena; she had always felt like Serena was the centre of attention of their world, and herself...the second choice. As for Dan's attentions, when he wrote _Inside_ and he made her the centre character, she thought that he was different from everyone else; he had had the choice of Serena, but he chose her instead. That day when she found out what he had done at the Sheppard's Divorce party all the feelings that she thought she knew he had towards her felt like the most fake, the vilest lie that she had ever been subjected to. She hated him for that.

"Don't look on his way! Maybe she hasn't seen us and will simply pass us by!" Blair pronounced at a barely audible tone. Dorota immediately obliged by turning towards the pound.

"I think Mr. Dan has seen us!"

"Well, hopefully he will be bright enough to understand a cold shoulder when he is submitted to one."

Dorota had always liked Dan. In her opinion the time that Blair had spent with him was the happiest she had ever seen her, the most peaceful without a doubt. She had never known what had possess Blair to leave him for Chuck at a time that they seemed to be getting along so well let alone, why did she hated him so much after SHE being the one who left the poor guy.

"You never told me why we hate Mr. Dan!"

"And I don't intend to start doing so now!"

* * *

**Flashback**

Serena was waiting at the penthouse's foyer. Blair and Chuck had just gotten married, but for the time being Blair was still staying at her mother's penthouse. Chuck had to fly to Australia with his uncle to check the status of the business overseas, as well as to express his sorrow for his father's tragic and fatal accident (it looked good for the press); and present himself as the heir to his father's empire.

From the stairs Blair spotted her best friend with a dreamy expression that screamed to the world that something really good had just happened.

"S what's with the hurry? I got your text saying that you needed to talk to me in person...so here I am, what are the big news?"

"Dan said that he wanted to be with me...that it had always been me!" Serena said shredding her shoulders and biting her bottom lip. Blair could see that she was asking for an advice, even though the decision was already pretty much made.

Serena's words pierced right through Blair's heart, _it had always been me!_ At that point she already disliked him enough, but somehow her hatred seemed to have risen due to the blonde's statement. He had always loved her best friend, even when he was with her…Blair simply felt as if a part of her had been ripped off. She was married to Chuck and she loved him to no end, but Dan had also been hers and as selfish as that sounded, she could not bear the thought that he had never been truly hers.

"And I presume that you are resuming your love story with that…that Brooklyn rat!" her words were spit with pure hatred, with intention to hurt him even though he was not even present.

"Please don't call him that! Yes, he might have caused some fuss in our lives with that entire Gossip Girl story, but at the end he did not cause any harm! I will not forget the wonderful person that he is just because of that." Serena's tone was apologetic, as if she was excusing herself on his behalf.

"Not only did he play gossip for years, he also published that horrific fiction about us…about you!"

"Was it entirely fiction?"

"Serena," Blair shouted "I cannot believe that you are defending him after all that he has done!"

"I love him Blair" Serena said in a calm, heart-felted tone "And I love him too"

"So, basically you just came to tell me that you two are together!"

"I guess so!"

"Duly noted!"

Blair felt something aching in her chest. She did not love him, she never did, but being Serena the one that he chose right after her…hurt way more than she expected.

"B, please you are my best friend…can you please be a little bit happy for me?"

"I can't Serena, not right now…not after all the stunts that he pulled."

"There was a time that he was your friend too, there was a time that he chose you…and I did my best to be happy for you guys, can't you reattribute the favour?"

"So should I have sex with him and record it too?" Blair spit, not bearing in mind the damage that she would probably cause to her friend…but honestly, not caring about it.

"Geez B, will you just get over it? You chose Chuck! Why do you care?"

"Because at the time he was _my_ boyfriend…and he chose _you_!" Blair sounded more hurt than she intended. Why did she care so much about it? It was water under the bridge, and she had never loved him.

"I'm sorry that you feel that way, and believe me B, I am truly sorry that it happened like that!"

"You know what? It's in the past now, and if you want to relate yourself to that…person, well, you are my best friend and I love you!"

Serena smiled at her. While they were arguing Blair had come down the stairs and was now face to face with her best friend, which allowed the blonde to pull her in a tight hug.

"I love you too…and I'm so happy!"

With that Serena smiled again and rushed towards the lift. She pushed the button and in the few seconds that it took for the doors to slid open, she turned to look at her friend one more time before leaving Blair alone in the penthouse and running back to the loving arms of her new boyfriend.

"Double date sometime this week?"

"Still too soon!" Blair sounded exhausted.

Serena gave her a faint smile and a nod before she entered the lift and disappeared. Blair was left paralyzed in the middle of the foyer. She could not get a handle of what she was feeling at this point; a mixture of hanger, pain, hurt and disappointment.

_It had always been me!_

Serena's words echoed in the back of her mind, and as her chest tightened, she felt on the verge of tears.

_I did loved him._

**End of Flashback**

* * *

That memory still had an effect on her; the reasons behind it, only Lord knows. She inhaled deeply and hoped that he would just pass by and don't give any acknowledge to her presence.

"Hello Mrs. Bass!"

Her hopes crashed at the sound of his voice.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hello Mrs. Bass!"

She inhaled deeply one more time before turning around to face a man that she loathed. She had nothing to talk to him about, over the past few years they had exchanged the minimum of words possible. Serena seemed not to like to have both of them left alone, stupid and needless concern on her behalf since neither Blair nor Dan seemed to have any pleasure at each other's company. They would greet each other at parties and exchange a few more words if the event would just consist of him, his wife, her and her husband.

It was a fact that time had only done well to Dan Humphrey. His hair was not the curly mess that it had always been, he wear it shorter and combed to the back, with a trace of mouse, gel or wax (she couldn't care less) to keep it a little bit more in place. His choice of clothing had gone from plaid nonsenses to casual suits without the touch of a tie; he just looked smart casual. Blair found herself wondering if away from the enquiry eyes, at the comfort of his own house, he would go back to wear those horrific plaid shirts that he had been so found of years earlier.

"Good afternoon Humphrey! I would say it is a pleasure to see you, but I don't have the habit of lying."

"Always adorable Bass!" Blair hated when he addressed her as _Bass_, it felt so wrong when he pronounced that name so, obviously, full of venom. Besides for him she had always been _Waldorf_, and at some stage of their lives that now seemed more like a long dreamt dream, she had been simply _Blair_.

"Hello there Dorota! It has been a long time." Dan changed his attention to the maid that was simply standing there with quizzically eyes moving from one orator to the other.

"Hello Mr. Dan, how have you been?"

"I'm quite alright…trying to write a new book these days."

"Trying? I has been hard for you to find writing material without digging through the private lives of the people that are the closest to you, hasn't it?" Blair spit with rancour.

"I believe that I have extended my welcome here. Dorota it was truly pleasurable to see you; Bass…" Dan trailed not being able to formulate any sort of fake pleasantry, nor bothering to retort. If she hadn't changed over the years, this would upset her more than words, the contempt.

With that Dan bowed his head lightly on the direction of Dorota and proceeded with walking away. Blair had immediately turned on her heels on the opposite direction, not noticing a little white paper that had fell from Dan's back pocket when he shoved his hands on his front ones. However Dorota did and in one rapid movement, taking the chance that none of them would ever look back, she bent over to grab it. There was not the time to take a peek at it, so she pushed it into her pockets and proceeded to follow her boss that was now a couple of meters ahead of her.

Contradicting all of the odds, Dan did look back. He had found his inspiration even when he was not looking for it; well at least not in the figure of the woman that had brought hell over him, and had dragged him into some of the darkest days of his life. He watched as she went away elegantly in her high heels, followed by a running Dorota that tried to keep up with her boss's pace.

Letting out a sight, Dan looked up into the blue sky that hadn't a single cloud to taint its pureness. The hate and discomfort, that he had felt just some brief minutes ago rushing thought his body, slowly started to disappear and giving space for his brilliant genius to start to devise the plot for his next book.

* * *

She was just about to leave the studio when her phone rang. Shuffling through her purse, she barely managed to retrieve the little ringing device before the caller had lost its patience and hang up the call. With a hair movement of someone that is about to place a mobile to an ear, Serena took a quick glance at the monitor.

"Hello mom!"

"Hello darling, how are you doing?" Lilly chatted casually on the other side of the line.

"All good…TAXIII!...Sorry about that, I just finished a photo shooting so I am heading off home now."

"And how is Daniel?"

"Oh he is having a little creative issue with his next book, but besides that he is doing fantastic."

A taxi stopped in front of the statuesque blonde, she opened the door gave him quick instructions and relaxed on the back seat.

"Glad to hear." Lilly's tone changed to a more tensed one "Listen dear, I was talking to Chuck about some of the subjects that I should present to the board while he is away, and he told me that he would not manage to return in the next two weeks."

"So?"

"Serena, dear, are you not forgetting of an important date approaching?"

Realization suddenly hit her, "Oh, but of course, Henry's birthday!"

"Yes, business are taking a little bit longer than they should, some problems with the negotiations…well, all in all he wished very much that he would be here. So this got me thinking, Blair must be quite busy planning her new collection; therefore why don't you, as the godmother, offer to plan the his birthday party?"

"Mom I don't know if Blair would like that…you know how much she loves to plan parties!"

"That she does, but dear, Chuck actually asked me to input this idea into you. He is worried that Blair will work herself up too much. Please be a dear and talk to her!"

"Ok, ok I will do so right away."

"Thank you so much dear! Alright so I am going now…thank you so much once again! Oh, send my regards to Daniel."

"Kisses"

And with that she finished the conversation. Serena gave herself a couple of minutes before she speed dialled her best friend's number. She was starting to get excited with the idea of organizing a party for her godson. Obviously she would need Dan's assistance to explore the wishes and desires of a soon-to-be 6 year old boy. Maybe that would, who knows, entice him to start considering adding a member to their small family. The thought of having a child with Dan made Serena chuckle. They had been married for a little over than a year now, but they had dated forever before he finally proposed; if she had to wait that long again for him to bring the baby topic to the table, they would never have children.

"Serena? Hello?!"

The voice on the other side of the line brought her down from her reverie and back into the initial plan of offering to plan Henry's birthday party.

"Hey B! Sorry I got distracted by my own thoughts while the call was connected." Blair knew that the blonde had a smile on her face right now.

"So, I haven't heard from you in ages and now we talk twice on the same day, what happened?"

"Stop being a drama queen…we talked…what?...hmm…two days ago?!"

"Seems like forever!" Serena chuckled on the other side of the line.

"So, I'm actually calling to do you a favour!"

"A favour? To me?"

"Yeap! My mom told me that Chuck will be away for Henry's birthday, so….tcharan!...I'm offering to help you plan his birthday party!"

"Well that is very sweet of you S, but Chuck really never helped me organize Henry's partied before, so I don't see why I would need help now?"

"Oh come on B! It will be so much fun, besides it's the perfect excuse for us to hang out more!"

"You are lucky that I actually miss you dearly….deal, you are officially a Henry Bass's birthday party planner."

"Thank you for the privilege" Serena replied lightly "So do you want to come over for dinner so that we can discuss some ideas?"

_Oh no! No, no, no, no…twice in one day was twice too much of Humphrey's presence._

"Actually today is not the greatest of days to do so. I have to give my opinions to the designers and I haven't, well, elaborated an opinion yet. Maybe tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow will do! I will call you tomorrow then. And B…I'm super excited about this!"

"I can tell"

"LOOOOOOOVE you B"

"Bye Serena!"

"Bye!"

* * *

When she finally reached home Dan was exiting his office, clearly aware of her arrival. At the sight of him, she ran in his direction and hung her arms around his neck, while he placed soft kisses on her neck.

"hmm…how was the photo shooting?"

"It was alright…the usual: pose, flash, pose, flash…nothing new."

"And when will I be able to see the printouts of my fabulous wife? I mean, I do have to approve the amount of flesh exposed!"

"Since when do we have that arrangement?" Serena questioned him jokingly.

"It is in our wedding contract…look it up!"

"I will, but first…"she kissed him fully on his lips "hmmm…I have something to tell, slash, ask you…"

"Go ahead, but make it quick!" now it was his turn to kiss her.

"I am planning Henry's birthday party and it would mean the world if you could help me out with it."

"Yeah…sure!" Dan said lightly.

"Wonderful! Oh this is going to be just great! You, me and Blair!"

_Blair?! Oh, fuck!_


	5. Chapter 5

I would like to first thank everyone that has taken some time to read my story, and secondly I would like to apologize for the delay in updating a new chapter.

So the chapter is now finished!

Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Blair's day had been very ordinary. She was awake by the clasp of her son's body against her mattress, which had become a habit that would only take place when Chuck was gone. She lied flat on her stomach and covered her head with her pillow, trying to gain some more precious minutes of sleep. Her son moved smoothly to her side, and rested his head right below her arm pit; the warmth of the tiny body gave her a sense of peace, and she felt like she could drift into a heavy sleep again – she couldn't be more wrong. After a couple of minutes, Henry started to feel bored and began to move on the bed; that did the trick, Blair was awake. The smell of fresh brewed coffee and pastries reached her sensitive nostrils, and as she processed this new information, she started to feel more and more awake. The day then proceeded with normality: breakfast, work, meetings, quick lunch, meetings, headache, and home.

The only abnormal thing was that she was supposed to go to her best friend's penthouse that evening to discuss the plans for the coming birthday party of her son. She hoped that she wouldn't be graced with Humphrey's presence, even though she was most absolutely sure that her hopes were in vain. Serena had good intentions and she really could use the help, however she would never admit such; she just had to be gracious and try to ignore his unfortunate presence. Thinking about it, this must be the first time that only the three of them would "hang out". They would meet to party's that they had both been invited to, with their respective spouses; to dinners that would also entertain other people in their circle of friends; but never would they sit, just the three of them, to chat. Blair had the feeling that this evening would be plain awkward.

When the time was right, she put on a simple spotted black dress that she combined with a pair of black with red bottom Louboutin shoes. She tried to pull a summer casual look that would transpire peace of mind and tranquillity, even though she had none of these feelings inside. Dan Humphrey's presence would always be a constant reminder of a heartache that was long left in her past, but not entirely overcome. As she looked at herself in the mirror for the final approval of her outfit, she found herself breathing deeply as she tried to calm down her nerves.

_This is ridiculous! If he has a touch of sensibility he will not enforce his presence to me._

She knew that her hopes were just a long shot, but that's the reason they call it hope. She left her penthouse with Henry; he would stay with his grandparents tonight, allowing her mother more time to plan his party and maybe, even to enjoy herself a little bit. The visit to Eleanor's was very quick and after saying goodbye to her son with two kisses, she was off to Serena and Dan's. Somehow and for some inexplicable reason, she felt nervous. Her heart was beating at an irregular pace, and she had butterflies in her stomach…and not the good kind; she couldn't feel at ease.

When the driver pulled over by her friend's building, she couldn't find the strength to open the door. She just stood inside the car and gazed at the front door with a feeling that something was about to happen, if it would be positive or not she couldn't put her finger around it, but deep inside she knew that something would change. The moment this thought was formed she felt like laughing at her own stupidity and ungrounded anxiety, but she couldn't pull herself to do it; instead she just sighted and pushed the door open.

The elevator ride passed in a blink of an eye as Blair was absorbed by her own thoughts. The machine stopped with a "ding" and the doors opened, giving her access to her friend's penthouse. She took in the black and white photography's of urban landscape that adorned the walls – _Definitely Humphrey's idea!_ – And there he was, standing in the middle of the living room with a couple of books in hands. It had been a while since the last time she had seen him in his own apartment, there had always been some sort of excuse for them to avoid each other's presence in such a personal environment. If it was an invitation for coffee at Blair's Serena would come alone, more than aware of how unwanted her husband's presence would be; If it would be an invitation for a chat at Serena's, Dan would be out because of some random excuse. Blair was fully conscious that he wanted her out of his sight as much as she. But today there he was, in the middle of the living room. A warm feeling rushed through her body at the sight of him, mainly because there was something about how he dressed that reminded her of a long lost Dan – his Brooklyn self. Being at home for Dan meant being relaxed, being a little more of himself and not entirely a product of fashion, moulded by his wife. For that reason he would strip from the formalities of being a published author and husband to one of the hottest Manhattan socialites, to accommodate his new status to the person that he was. Over the years he had developed a taste for brands, that could not be denied, but he would refuse to allow himself to drawn in his class' standards of consumerism; his way of feeling at shore was to let himself disconnect from that world at home, and some occasional vacations. Blair took in the sight of him in a pair of jeans and a Ralph Lauren's Wool Crewneck black sweater that allowed her to see the shape of his abdomen at a whole different light.

She cleared her throat as she stepped out to make her presence noticed to him. Mission accomplished.

"Oh! Good evening Bass, I didn't see you there!" stated Dan without a hint of excitement in his voice.

"I just arrived", Blair lied "is Serena here?"

"Yeah, she is just finishing getting ready…she was away until a couple of minutes ago", Dan placed the books down and moved towards her, "here let me help you with those!" he said as he gestured towards her light jacket.

"Thank you!"

He walked away to hang her jacket somewhere and the whole house fell into silence. They had been cordial to one another, which was not at all common, but the act fell far from being sincere. Blair stood in the middle of the living room observing the pictures, in special one of Serena's and Dan's faces laughing very close together to what it seemed to be a self-taken picture. They looked so happy…so at ease…so in love, she felt a bitter pang in her chest – she had nothing like that with Chuck.

"B…you are here!" Serena shouted from the top of the stairs as she rushed down the steps to hold her in a tight embrace. She directed a genuine smile to her friend, "come…sit down and let's plan the best birthday party of the Upper East Side!"

Blair could only smile at her friend's enthusiasm. It was a relief that she didn't have to carry that extra task all alone for a change and, even though Blair would probably not admit it out loud, she was extremely grateful for her help.

"Have you seen Dan?"

"Yes, he went to hang my jacket somewhere"

"DAN!" Serena shouted gently to the emptiness.

"Wait…is he going to be part of this?" Blair asked her friend quizzically, truly dreading her answer.

"Of course…we need some male insight to prepare a boy´s birthday party!"

_I was right to have a bad feeling about this!_

Soon Dan joined them in the living room sitting in a relaxed manner, across the two friends. Serena started to explain her plans to both Blair and Dan, but only one of them listened. Blair studied his face carefully, not entirely sure as of why was his presence so enticing, and yet annoying to her. His eyes were glued on his wife with a caring expression only associated to those who are in love. A bitter, poisoning thought immediately crossed Blair's mind, _Chuck hadn't looked at her like that for a very long time. _

Dan hadn't changed much over the years. His features had aged slightly, completing the transformation of a boy to a man. The shadow beard that he had grown casted upon him a more serious, mysterious even, look.

As she studied his face and how the years had affected him, his eyes locked with hers. The brief seconds in which they held each other's gaze, seemed to have lasted a whole eternity. However what she saw in those eyes that were now directed to her was definitely not what she had seen before. They shifted from the loving stare that he was casting upon Serena, to a cold gaze filled with, what Blair could only describe as hate. She felt a knot tighten her throat and the unpleasant cold in her stomach returned. It was a well-known fact that they nurture pure dislike towards one another, but feeling his hate towards her had upset her more than she would have thought.

_Who does he think he is to look at me in that way? _

Serena talked and talked, but Blair had not paid attention to a single word from her monologue, even though her focus had now switched to her friends visage.

_The rat should be more than thankful to God for having landed him a catch such as Serena. Oh, if only she was not in love with you…you would have the same fate of Francois-Marie Arouet, exiled for displeasing the royals – your presence suffices the penance!_

"So…what do you think B?" Serena asked raising her eyebrows in expectation. In that moment, looking at her friend's expectant face, Blair felt remorse for not paying attention to what she had been saying. Obviously Serena had put quite a lot of thought into her son's coming party, and all Blair did was sit there stare at Dan and then wonder in her own inner rage.

"Sounds just…perfect!" Blair declared, hoping that she had not just agreed to a carnival of crudity. Serena's expression went from expectant to a bright smile of satisfaction.

"Well if I may," Dan said it turning his attention to Blair, as if he was asking for her permission which she conceded with a light bow of her head. Her expression was everything except encouraging; one of her eyebrows was slightly raised while her lips were pursed with a minor inclination to the side. Nevertheless Dan disregarded all the signs, "…I think it's a lovely idea, but isn't it a little bit too uptight for a little kid? I mean, he is only turning 6 after all and this sounds more like…a Blair pleaser than anything else!" Dan looked again at Blair with an expression that had nothing but disdain in it, "No offense!"

"None taken!" Blair spat.

"And what exactly do you suggest?" Serena asked.

"Something more…hmm…Henry! Something that he will actually enjoy, and have fun with. He does love horses, why don't we do something outside? It is summer after all!"

"And since when do you know the likes of my son?" Blair questioned with arrogance in her voice.

"Oh! Dan and Henry are buddies!" Serena explained with a smile "Whenever Henry stays over, or you ask us to pick him up from school…well Dan is the one who always fetches him." Serena looked lovingly at her husband, "It's actually cute to see them both chatting on the couch, while watching cartoons."

With that, Serena bent over the tea table to place a quick kiss on her husband's lips. Normally Blair would have turned her head away or protest at their display of affection, but right now she was frozen. Dan Humphrey was friends with her son and she had never noticed! The occasional phone calls to Serena with "please"…"take Henry"…"remember that time"…"I need some time alone with Chuck!" and "You are the best!" had led to an unlikely friendship between her friend's husband and her child. She could not believe that she had never realized any sort of camaraderie between them, had she been that blind by her dislike of him to ignore or even, reject any positive trait that he might possess? So many things flashed through her mind at an abnormal speed. She was simply stunned by this little revelation, as she always believed that Humphrey would dislike anything that she related to her.

_He watches cartoons with my son…and, not even his father does that with him!_

She had to bite her tongue, this man in front of her; a man that in the past had been her best friend and lover, a man that she had hated for the last years…might not be the villain that she imagined.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/n: I'm so sorry for the long break! I could use excuses such as "my life has been crazy..." (which is not absolutely a lie) but you just deserve my deepest apology._

_Hope you enjoy the chapter and thank you all for the reviews (they make my days) and for keeping on reading._

_-patricia_

* * *

The days that followed were filled with the usual banalities of life. Blair would go to work, talk to Chuck over the phone, spend some time with her child and now and then meet with Serena to discuss party arrangements and possible venues. However something had changed, and what had been banal had now a touch of unusual, as a new thought populated Blair's mind. During the day she would find herself thinking about Dan. She hadn't thought about him in a very long time, and if she had she would not admit it. There had been a time, short after her return to New York, that seeing Dan would bring her pain and even regret but, after his declaration of eternal love to Serena all she felt was anger and hatred towards the man that she once called her best friend. Nevertheless she would find herself thinking about him. Thinking about the great moments of their friendship, when he had been the only one by her side no matter the circumstances; when they would just talk about arts and she would find in him an adequate intellectual match; or even when he would display the most wonderful signs of adoration, like he did when he wrote Louis' vows. And then that bloody sex tape would crash all the good memories; his poisoned words about all of the people that she hold dear, about herself; he jumping to Serena after he had her, as if she was the trigger for him to remember how great Serena was. And then again, with her chest heavy and a cold sensation on her stomach, she would drift her thought to the revelation that he cared for her son and she would feel something in the pit of her stomach, and a crush sensation to her heart that she could not really describe.

For days she dwelled with the doubt of where her feelings for Dan lied…did she hate him? Or was she able to tolerate him? She wouldn't push much further from these two options. The course of life had been harsh on the two of them, making some damage that in her opinion was irreparable. In fairness she had her own quote of responsibility in the downfall of their relationship. Hell she has pretty much the responsible for their break-up; but the actions that followed , all the evilness and will to inflict some sort of revenge (on Dan's side) were entirely up to him, and in her opinion it only reveled the truth of his character. She had never taken the time to connect his actions to an incredible, overwhelming grief of losing her; how could she when he clearly loved Serena? If she had done something, it was to get out of their way and leading both of them to the happiness they have always wanted!

Blair's mind would repeat this process at least once or twice a day, and in the end she would always be left with the dilemma of _is he a good or a bad guy?_

Her, now usual, inner debate was interrupted by the ringing sound coming from her mobile. The screen displayed her best friend's name, so she decided against her will of not picking up the phone.

"B!" – Serena shouted enthusiastically from the other end of the line.

"Good afternoon S!" – Blair spoke not hiding a certain degree of poise in her voice. "How can I be of assistance?"

"Oh no! I am the one that is assisting you…" said Serena with a fake finesse in her tone, "…well, actually Dan, but still…are you ready?"

Blair could sense the excitement that her friend was feeling, "Please go ahead."

"We found it B!" the pause that followed gave Serena the indication that her best friend was not quite sure of what she was talking about. "The venue B! Dan found the perfect place for Henry's party."

"Oh! How wonderful S!"

"I know right?! Now we must make a move fast otherwise we might lose the spot." Serena stated.

"Certainly…but I would like to check it for myself first!"

"When will you have some free time B?"

"How does in a couple of hours sounds to you?"

"Just perfect!"

* * *

Blair finished up her affairs and headed to Serena's penthouse. She could not help but to feel excited about this, after all it would be sort of a blind road trip with her best friend…just like old times.

The limo ride (yes, she had developed a taste for driving around in a limousine! After all she was Blair Waldorf Bass) took longer than she had expected. Some annoying traffic jam. She reached her friend's house and let herself up without a word to the doorman. She was expected anyways besides; her presence had been a recurrent given, so they were already used to have her walking around.

The lift door opened with a "ding" granting her access to the flat.

"Hello…?!" Blair made herself announced "Serena?!"

After a few minutes of silence, Dan's head picked from a door frame.

"Blair?! I had hopes that you were cancelling." Dan stated with no emotion in his voice as he walked over to her.

"Sorry to disappoint Humphrey, I just got stuck in traffic for a little longer than expected. I texted Serena thou…she is fully aware of my delay." Blair spat not being able to hide the anger that had crept over her after the way he had talked to her.

"Oh don't worry Bass!" She hated the way he pronounced her last name so full of distaste. "I'm not the only one who is going to be disappointed."

"What can you possibly mean with that?"

"Serena got a call from a photographer…emergency photo-shoot, can you believe that? So yes Bass, sorry to disappoint but you are stuck with me."

"I rather be stuck in traffic!" She stated raising an eyebrow in superiority. She could not be more annoyed now.

"Trust me I rather have you stuck in traffic as well, however my wonderful wife can be very persuasive so she made me agree to this. I was under the impression that she had given you the heads-up?!" He looked genuinely surprised that she didn't got the memo.

"If I had, do you think I would be standing here?"

"Good point…well, we can always cancel…but you will have to be the one to tell Serena, I did all that I could!"

"Like that is going to happen Humphrey! I will never hear the end of it if we don't get the place because I refused to be escorted by you."

"So…"he prolonged the word, pretending to be thick or maybe just trying to infuriate her into giving up their road trip.

"Let's go!"

* * *

"Tell me again why can't we take the limo?"

"For starters…I think it is incredibly ostentatious to be driving around in a limousine, second I like my car." Blair knew that would be the end of it. To be honest his new car was rather a fancy one, nothing like that old thing that he drove her in while looking for Juliette. As she entered the car she could not contain a brief smile, Dan had turned into an Upper East Side man more than he thought. He dressed with class, stripped from any sort of plaid. He looked rather elegant now. Blair put this thoughts aside, as she remembered how much he annoyed her.

"Care to share our destination?" She asked as she fastened her seat belt.

"Bergen County Equestrian Center" Dan stated matter of factly.

"And where is that supposed to be?" Blair asked without looking at him.

"30 minutes away…in New Jersey."

"You have got to be kidding me!" Blair was concerned now. What had he been thinking? That she would have her son's party in…New Jersey?! She turned to Dan with an incredulous expression, and to her surprise he turned his head in her direction, almost simultaneously.

"Yes Blair, it's in New Jersey, but it is a wonderful venue. Give it a chance and I'm sure you are going to like it." Something in his eyes transmitted her confidence and sooth her worries all at the same time. She would give it a try, it couldn't hurt.

"Alright then." Blair stated calmly, "But it better be an incredible place Humphrey."

"I wouldn't waste your time Waldorf."

Unexpectedly, Blair's heart skipped a beat. The familiarity of her maiden name, and the memories of a past when the man sitting next to her was more than a bother in her life, came flashing back. They had shared more than a friendship normally would. She remembered for the first time in years, how happy he had made her; she remembered of a time when he came first than anyone else. But soon enough all the heartache took over.

"Just start driving Humphrey!" she said with apparent bitterness.

And so he did. Dan started the car and they started their journey. This wasn´t the ideal situation for him either. Truth be said, he did not even understood why he had said yes to Serena when she asked for him to take Blair in her place. He wanted nothing to do with that woman.

"Do you want to turn on the radio?" he asked out of politeness.

"Sure" Blair said absent-mindedly, diverting her gaze from the cityscape that she had been admiring. She turned it on and an unmemorable song started to play. Neither would be able to name the hit on the radio since neither was really paying attention to it. Both were very aware of the presence of the other. Dan initially was very annoyed with the fact that he would have to spend the rest of his afternoon with Blair. He had learnt to tolerate her presence, since all this party planning started, after all they had spent most of the evenings of that week together. However never before had he been alone with her. If memory didn´t fail, the last time they had been alone was in a side-walk by some cross-road that he had crossed to get away from the sight of her. Back then the feelings that he had for her were very different thou, it had been the start of the phase in which the tremendous love that he had felt for her, started to fade and let the bitterness of their break-up and the resentment of a very freshly lost hope sink in. Now all that love was far gone, and the only positive thing that he could point about her was her cool kid.

On the other side of the car, Blair tried to understand why the fact that he had called her Waldorf has made her heart feel a weird and unpleasant pang. Could it be that she missed her friend? She couldn't let those thoughts take over; she had to expel them from her mind.

"So…how is Henry doing?" Dan could not imagine how thankful Blair was that he had broken the silence and with that her incoherent thoughts.

"Ehm…ha…He is doing quite well, thank you. He is a little bit down since Chuck won't be here for his day." _Why did you say that?_

"I know it is not my place but…er…do you want me to take him out one of these days? You know…have a boys' talk?"

She could not believe he had just asked her that. She could not wrap her mind around when had she lacked to notice the importance that Dan probably had in her son's life, and due to the offer, the importance that he had in Dan's.

"Dan, can I ask you something?"

_Dan?! She called me Dan?! Since when does she call me Dan_?! As the sound of his name escaped Blair's lips, Dan felt an odd cold on his stomach…a cold that he knew he had felt before; he could just not point when. "Sure!" he managed to mutter, still in shock.

"When did you become so close to Henry?" her voice was soft, filled with a mix of curiosity and tenderness.

"Well…" Dan felt his heart melt "…I wouldn't say that we are SO close!"

"You seem to know a lot about my son. I suppose that is a sign of a certain level of proximity."

"I guess you can say so…ha…well…er…I don't know exactly." Dan did that little mumbling that he used to do when he didn't really know what to answer. This little trait brought a soft smile to Blair's face. She found it amusing and endearing that he hadn't changed that about himself. "Serena would bring him over sometimes…most likely when you and Chuck had a public function, or when you would be celebrating some special occasion" he continued, spatting his last words, "And then there was this time when y-you, you know…er…hit a rough path with Chuck, and Serena would bring him home more regularly. I guess that then I managed to see past Chuck's DNA and bounded with Henry." A silenced pause fell upon then, just broken by the fading of a song that no one had paid attention to. "He is a good kid, you know?" Dan finished.

Blair had given her undivided attention to Dan's speech. She had been both mesmerized by the affection with which he spoke about her son, and also by how easy had then fallen into conversation after such a long break in their friendship.

"He really is!"

She had missed her friend.


	7. Chapter 7

Well as someone that is writting (publicaly) for the first time it can be very overwhelming to read the reviews and to check the numbers of views. So, to all of you who has taken some time to read my story...THANK YOU!

- Patricia

ps. Sorry for the short chapter :P

* * *

The rest of the drive was…simple. They talked about Henry for a little bit and Dan made quite an impression with the knowledge that he had about her son. The conversation was light and, if at the beginning they were not very comfortable with each other's presence that had changed now. Whatever was playing on the radio was nothing more than background music, neither needing a distraction from each other as they found themselves absorbed in the other's company. Soon they changed to their old topics, and in that time they were just Dan and Blair, still trying to figure out life and having each other for support. Some laughs echoed in the car; some smiles brushed their faces for moments and later on the smiles stayed. Dan's voice had no longer that bitterness to it, and Blair was no longer distracted by their surroundings, just by the man sitting next to her.

At some point they got stuck in traffic, but neither seemed to be annoyed by this since it allowed Dan to concentrate on the woman next to him. It was so natural for them to fall into this habit; it had been hard to reach this point, no doubt in that, but once that barrier had been crossed they easily found their way back to each other. The bruises from the past were still there but somehow the reasons behind the why and wherefore hadn't they been able to move past their bad break-up.

The usage of their pet names became also more fluent, she would address to him as "Dan" and, of course the occasional "Humphrey" and he would call her "Waldorf": For some reason calling her "Blair" would remind him of a time in which they were more intimate than friends, and he didn't want to come anywhere near that. Moving past the heartbreak of being broken-up with for Chuck Bass enough to have a normal conversation with her, had already been hard enough; he couldn't break that barrier.

After what seemed to be a quick drive, they arrived at their destination. The place was perfect for the event, with long green fields, white fences for the horse's areas and a picturesque club house. Immediately, Blair's brain started to decorate the place. She had to give it to Dan, it was a wonderful idea. She smiled at him knowing that even though he had done a wonderful job, she would still give him a little bit of a hard time…just for fun's sake.

They entered the club house. The space was cozy, nicely decorated with an equestrian theme. Blair followed Dan to the nice-looking young girl at the reception.

"Good afternoon, welcome to Bergen County Equestrian Center my name is Claudia, how I may assist you?" said the young woman in a friendly manner.

"Hello! My name is Daniel Humphrey. I spoke with Mr. Robertson before about coming here today to take a look at the premises. You see we are planning a birthday party, so we are choosing venues. Is it possible for us to wonder around for a little bit?"

"Mr. Robertson is not here today, but please feel free to explore!" said she with a smile, "would you like to have a tour or you prefer to go alone?"

"Alone!" Blair cut. Dan looked at her quizzically and she gave him a "what?" –look; and with that he turned his attention to the receptionist that was looking at both of them with a warm smile plastered on her face.

"Do you have any sort of map?" Dan asked.

"I'm afraid we don't, but if you follow the trails there shouldn't be a problem."

"Alright then! Thank you very much for your assistance Claudia."

"You are very welcome Mr. and Mrs. Humphrey. Have a lovely day." The usage of the name Humphrey for Blair didn't go unnoticed by them. Dan took it as an honest, yet flattering mistake but for Blair something inside of her went cold.

They walked out of the main building side by side and started to explore. As they walked ideas for the party started to emerge, Dan was more insightful with ideas for activities and Blair for decoration.

"Argh…this place is going to ruin my shoes!" Blair stated angrily after stepping on an irregular part of the terrain and getting some dirt on her high heels.

"Well…it's not like you have the most adequate attire for a place like this now, is it?" Dan mocked her.

"I'm sorry if fashion is a higher call for me." She excused herself with clear sarcasm.

"Boots would look just fine on you."

"Humphrey…I'm not discussing fashion with you…there is no point in that!"

"Really? Because since I got together with Serena, I would say that there has been an improvement in my wardrobe!"

"Pearls to pigs…" Blair sang, not being able to avoid a smile from spreading through her face.

"Ouch!" Dan pretended to take offense, but after looking at her expression he couldn't help but to mimic her.

Those shy smiles remained as both of them walked around talking about the party, occasionally about how it was impossible for Blair to walk straight in those conditions and eventually the theme changed; they just talked about whatever crossed their minds. Just like old times.

Suddenly, on the corner of his eye came the image of Blair's body jerking as she twisted her ankle and was in an imminent fall. With cat-like reflexes, Dan grabbed her by the waist preventing her for falling.

"Ouch!" Blair muttered still in his arms.

They hadn't registered their proximity yet. He was just concerned that she had hurt herself, and she was just in pain.

"Stupid high heels" she stated, with pain mirrored in her voice.

"Finally we agree that these were not the appropriate choice." Dan said trying to light up the mood. "Does it hurt?"

"Just a little!" and as she spoke, she bent to reach her ankle. "It will be fine; it was just a little twist."

When she straightened herself she gained conscience of their proximity. A knot on her stomach seemed to form, and for some reason her heart began to race. She looked Dan in the eye, and she could tell that he had also just realized what was happening. Neither of them moved. They just stared at each other's eyes, their breathing starting to become a little irregular.

Dan swallowed loudly, "Do you think you can walk?" he asked without breaking eye contact and with certain huskiness to his voice.

"I think so." She said not diverting her gaze from his eyes. However Dan broke the contact by looking at her lips and swallowing hard again.

Unconsciously they began to move closer and closer. The proximity was bringing both of them warmth and both of their minds felt like they were just blank. Everything faded except for them, and the feeling of being in each other's arms. If anyone would ask them when it had been the last time that they had even touch each other, they wouldn't be able to answer and possibly, for that reason the situation that they were in right now felt even more special.

She looked at his lips too, the thought of how would they taste not leaving her mind. At this point her heart was racing like crazy and she was hundred percent sure that he was able to hear it. She leaned forward a little bit more; their noses were almost touching now.

"Blair…!" Dan let her name escape and she felt a shiver down her spine. He had called her Blair, not Waldorf nor Bass...just Blair, and it felt so good to hear her name from his lips, especially in the way that he had pronounced it.

She closed her eyes. That was it. She was ready to be kissed by no one other than Dan Humphrey, the man she swore to hate.

Dan couldn't resist it any longer either. The woman that he had loved so deeply was warming his body in ways that he thought were no longer possible. So he closed his eyes too…

The sound of a horse neighing broke them from their trance, just before their lips collided. It had been too close, but now that reality had sunk in they realized the monumental mistake that they had just avoided.

He dropped his hands from her waist, and she could immediately feel the cold.

Without a word spoken they headed to the main building. They would say their goodbyes to the receptionist, and head home. If before the ambience was light and filled with laughter, now it had felt into a dreadful silence. Neither could speak, as they were still trying to figure out what had just happened.

The drive home reflected the latest events. They were sitting in awkward silence, still not quite understanding the feelings that they had felt before. He dropped her home, they said goodbye quickly and she headed out in a hurry.

Dan drove home, and headed out. He needed to clear his head that was filled with nothing else besides confusion…and Blair! She was that constant voice in the back of his mind that breathed fire into his inner turmoil.

On the other side of the city Blair was dealing with the exact same thing. All of those years of resentment had vanished. They had shared a wonderful moment of friendly bliss that had crumbled with that damned proximity. If a simple touch would trigger such a reaction…she shook her head to delete the insane thoughts of where had a kiss possibly led them.

They would go to their own beds that night with thoughts of the other…and a very simple, common desire…for each other's lips.


	8. Chapter 8

Blair was everything that he could think about; her scent, her breath, her body so close to his. The memory of the events on the Centre was driving him insane. So lost was he in his inner battle against desire that he didn't even noticed her arrival.

"Dan…!" her voice sounded sultry to him, maybe pure reflection of his own desires. And then was when he acknowledged her presence.

There she was.

Looking so appealing to him in her floral summer dress, her brown curls falling gently over her shoulders; he wanted to be closer to her, he needed it. His chest was being crush by a mix of desire and fear. Maybe she would reject him.

She stepped further. Eyes locked with his.

_God I will be damned if there isn't any lust in her eyes._

That visage gave him the extra motivational push that he needed to grab her. And so he did, crossing the room with unusual speed, he grabbed her by the waist. While her soft sigh of admiration escaped from her lips, his come crushing. Her lips so sweet! He knew that her eyes were still open, taking in what was happening…not yet sure how to react. He brushed her lower lip with his tongue softly, and as she moaned into his mouth, and opened her mouth to him, he knew her eyes were closed.

They kissed hungrily. Tasting each other's mouth and enjoying every second of it. It was a known place, their tongues performed a known dance, and then he felt it; it felt like coming back home.

Her hands had been placed on his cheeks, as she pressed him against her. His hands started to explore her back, ending up gently rested on her hips. They were in desperate need for a gulf of air, so they finally parted, her breasts panting as the rush of their kiss and needed air sank in. His eyes were still locked with hers, and all that he could see was confusion mixed with passion and desire.

"M-more?!" he husked.

She didn't have to reply to that question, she gave her answer by closing the space between them and crush her lips against his. They returned to their usual dance. Without breaking the kiss, Dan pushed her against the nearest wall and pressed himself against her body. The proximity sent shivers down his spine…he had to have her; he could feel his member pulsating with carnal desire.

He started to kiss her jawline giving occasional pecks on her neck. She moaned lightly and placed her hands on his hair.

"B-Blair…" he moaned too, feeling his desire for her burning every inch of his body.

"More…hmm…more Dan. I w-want more!" he whispered in his ear. And he lost it. He was going to have her.

He kissed her deeply while his hands reached for the zipper of her dress. He undid it and stopped to look at her while her dress fell down her shoulders and landed on the floor exposing her lingerie. He was mesmerized by her. He missed her!

He grabbed her breasts, giving them gently squeezes rather frequently while he kissed her passionately.

It was her turn to strip him. She unbuttoned his shirt sensually; when she was done she placed her hands on his abdomen and moved them sensually up to his shoulders. With one sliding movement his shirt fell down his back. Not leaving her lips he shook his arms to remove his shirt fully. As soon as the shirt set him free, he pressed his body against hers craving for the touch of her bare chest on his.

In a daring movement, she placed her hands on his buckle and frantically undid it. Having her hands so close to his member, made him swung his head back and close his eyes with throbbing anticipation. He wanted her so badly.

She unbuttoned his pants. He couldn't take it anymore; her slow movements were getting him way too horny. He removed his pant with fervour leaving only his boxers. He dove for another kiss. As their bodies pressed, he realized that there was no chance that she would not feel his throbbing penis against her belly.

He began to trace a path of kisses down her body, felling her jerking softly under his lips. He was mad about this woman; he could no longer remember the last time he had felt this amount of desire for anyone else. He stopped millimetres above he band of her laced panties and using his fingers as hooks, he removed them, giving him a full view of her womanhood.

He placed soft kisses on her inner thigh leaving her in anticipation for what followed. His tongue liked softly the inside of her folds. Her scent filled his nostrils, intoxicating him. Meanwhile, she moaned more deeply now giving him hints as to her level of excitement.

"D-Dan…" the way she pronounced his name, filled with such an intense desire send shivers down his spine. "Da-Dan…I w-want you now!"

He immediately stood straight, kissing her passionately while his hand reached for his member, positioning it at her entrance. Just the heat that was reaching the tip of his penis gave him shivers of pleasure.

He was about to enter her when he heard Serena's voice.

"Danny…honey…Dan…"

He opened his eyes.

_It was just a dream._

* * *

On the days that followed their visit to the Equestrian Centre their contact almost seized to exist again. The occasional party-planning meeting would be the only time that they would see each other. They barely talked to the other, leaving Serena to share her ideas enthusiastically. They would comment on her opinions but never looking to the other. Every time they would cross secretive gazes, they would avert their eyes immediately.

They had been like this for years. Ignoring each other's presence at all times. Yet, why it was so hard to do this now? Had they been masking their desire for the other with hate for years?; this thoughts were all the crossed both Blair and Dan's mind.

That almost kissed had awaken in him feelings that he swore didn't exist anymore. He would find himself daydreaming about her, remembering the days of their relationship; he started to get inspiration from her one more time…or at least he started to admit it!

_No!_

He had to remove her from his every thought. He was married after all, he was no longer a boy with no responsibilities, he had a commitment and he was going to honour it.

He grabbed his phone determinately hitting speed dial.

_~Beep!_

The wait only made his stomach lurch in anticipation.

_~Beep!_

"Hello love…" Serena spoke on the other side of the line.

"Hey…how's your day going?" he asked casually, doing a wonderful job at hiding how he was truly feeling.

"You called just to know how my day is going? Aww!...that is so sweet!" she said lovingly.

Dan laughed lightly at her docility. "Well…that is just in part…"

"What is the other part then?"

"Hmmm…that would be…how do you feel about a little romance tonight?" he asked her with sexiness on his voice.

"I like the sound of it. What do you have in mind?" she asked curiously.

"Well…that's for me to know, and for you to find out!" He could imagine the bright smile that she had spread across her face just now. "Be home at 6?"

"It's a date!"

* * *

She got home on time. He had set candles everywhere and the lights were dimmed. He stood in the middle of the leaving room, his hair pulled back with gel, and wearing a casual suit. She chuckled at the entire set-up.

He walked towards her holding two glasses of champagne. He handled her one, they cheered and took a sip.

"How was your day?" he asked not leaving his eyes from her.

"Getting better and better…" she said as she leaned forwards to give him a quick peck on the lips.

"Hmm…" he moaned into her lips. Stepping back he granted her full view of what the night had stored.

In the middle of the leaving room was a beautifully set table, with a wonderful jar of roses for decoration. Next to it was a smaller table with a tower of chocolate covered strawberries.

"Desert?" she asked brightly turning around to face him.

He instantly moved forwards, kissing her fully on the lips. As he moved his body closer to her, he dropped his glass on the table and placed both hands on her hips. She opened her lips granting him further access. They tongs started a sweet fight for domination; meanwhile her hands travelled to his hair, and besides the caressing were also pulling him in.

"Hmm…hungry?" Dan asked, breaking the kiss.

"Very!" she said and gave him one last quick kiss before heading to the table. He pulled her chair and assisted her with seating. After that he moved to the kitchen and brought two plates with the starters.

"Oh my Dan, this looks amazing!" she stated when he placed one of the plates in front of her. "Did you cook this? I mean, did you cook everything?"

"Well as much as I would love to be able to say I did, I did not. I ordered from that restaurant you like."

"Wow Dan…"she said in a sultry voice, leaning in for another last kiss.

They eat the meal while they talked animatedly about banalities. He was having a great time with his wife; however the vixen brunette was still in the back of his mind. Blair came to his mind more times than those that he would like, but that was not enough to divert him 100 % from the beautiful blonde in front of him…

_Who actually loves me!_

After they were done eating, he removed the places and refilled their glasses. Then he walked towards her and held out his hand. She took it, and in one second she was in his arms. He stretched one arm to grab a chocolate covered strawberry and placing it on his mouth. She took the hint and leaned to bite the strawberry and kiss him. It was such a sweet kiss not only because it tasted like chocolate and strawberries, but also because of the pace and the energy displayed when they kissed.

He started to feel arousal as their kiss became more fanatical. He laid her delicately on the floor. He broke they kiss to feed her a strawberry.

"You are so beautiful!" he stated with a husky voice and adoring eyes.

"You do know how to make a girl feel special, right Mr. Humphrey?" she said with her eyes glazed with desire.

He kissed her again and there they stood for a while, kissing, eating strawberries and trading occasional compliments. It all felt so right and at the same time it didn't feel right at all. Blair's lips would sporadically cross his mind along with her locks, her eyes…he found himself kissing Serena extra hard any time this thoughts would come. Perhaps that would force them away.

"Make love to me Dan", she asked in a seductive sultry voice.

He didn't need to be asked twice. He began to slowly removing their clothes, starting with hers. He would occasionally place some kisses all over her body and every time he did, she would let out a small moan. Once he finished stripping them, he laid on top of her, giving her an intense kiss. She felt his hands moving from her breasts to her thighs and she held her breath in anticipation. His fingers finally arrived to the desired destination, and be began to play with her.

Serena was in total ecstasy moving her body with snake like movements. She moved her lips from his to place them on his neck and collarbone. Suddenly as his fingers entered her, she removed her lips from his body and arched in surprised pleasure.

They made sweet, sensual and slow love in the living room floor. When they were done they laid there entangled on each other's body while their naked chests panted in unison. It had been a mind-blowing event.

At some point of their love-making the moans and the screaming of his name, made the image of the brunette fade and likewise the way she would pop up on his mind, she disappeared…without notice.

He pulled a blanket over their naked bodies and kissed Serena on the forehead. She snuggled against him and drifted off to sleep. It took him a while longer to fall asleep but he eventually did.

That night he had a sex dream again, and again his wife was not the star of it, instead a brunette occupied her place.

In another penthouse on another side of the city, Blair stood in the balcony looking to the skyline of the city. She sighed as she gave up getting rid of the constant intoxicating presence of one Dan Humphrey.

* * *

_A/N: hello everybody! How did you like it? please forgive me for the Serena/Dan smut but I think it just helps to keep things more realistic. Thank you so much for reading...share your opinion :D_

_xoxo_

_-patricia_


	9. Chapter 9

She couldn't wash him out of her mind. The warmth that she had felt while they were close haunted her. She wanted to get to the bottom of this, but she was not able to manage those emotions…damn she could barely name them. So many emotions passed by her at the thought of that moment. She felt trapped. She needed some liberation and she didn't even know well from what.

This had been a routine for the past days and as the party day came closer, it became more suffocating. Her son's words of a few weeks ago echoed in her mind one more time.

_Am I happy?,_ she thought to herself not quite aware of why was she linking this to the events with Dan. But yet again, she seemed not to be sure of a lot of things lately.

She wasn't sure of many things, and most of them related to Dan. She mentally cursed the day she let him get this close to her again…and she didn't even remembered when that had been. As she tried to get to the bottom of this new mystery, she began to reach the conclusion that it had been a sequence of events. From her realizing that he had been an amazing friend to her son, to the light conversation in the car…it had just been natural! Nothing had to be forced out of them and little time did the trick.

However she could not say that she was completely convinced of this change of character. _Maybe he had never changed? Maybe he had always been like that, and I just forgot? No! No…no, he wrote those things; he tried to destroy everyone that had once been close to him. If he was that wonderful guy that I thought, he would have never been able to pull such a destructive endeavour!_ , Blair argued mentally with herself, _Wait!...there was a point where I thought he was wonderful, a-and…I…I let him go, and not in the best way. I must have hurt him pretty badly…no, I couldn't have, he didn't even wait before he ran to in between Serena's legs. That…that hurt too…,_ Blair shook those feelings out of her head. She hadn't remembered that feeling in a while, and yet again, he had her remember it. Long time ago she had acknowledged that she had wronged him; she should have broken up with him before going to declare her love to Chuck, but what he didn't know is that she just couldn't do that. Breaking up with Dan in person would be like slapping your best friend as hard as one can across the face as a reaction for them being always there, always having your back, always bringing up the best of you…for that reason she hadn't been able to do it all those years ago. It wouldn't be fair for him. But that was not enough to justify her weakness, because that is all that it was…weakness. She wished she had a chance to say that she was sorry, but the first time she had seen him again he was being escorted by no other than Georgina. This had infuriated her more that she could ever put to words. Then he began to write and to expose all of his closest friends, her included…one by one. He had been ruthless and at that point she started to believe that he was more like them than she thought. This made her heart sank because she knew that this had been her mark on him, before that he had been the most wonderful person she had ever met and now he was less like himself. Later on he asked for her shelter, and deep down she hoped that this would be her chance for redemption, for breaking his heart and for turning him into a perfect Upper East Side specimen. But his sex tape wit Serena proved her one last devastating thing…he had always been like that, her leaving him just brought it publically. She had been wrong about him, about him being this wonderful person and the heart break of yet another of her lovers to run to Serena's arms while still on a relationship with her…and to doom it all at the same place! This became a recurrent thought as she tried to heal her way up by trying to prove Dan wrong, to prove him that Chuck was perfect for her in ways that he could never be, to prove him that Chuck wanted her above everything else. And along those lines of thought she began to form this darkened image of Dan, stripping him of any good traits that he had shown her before. He was no longer the sweet, dependable and lovable Dan; he was a pure dark image of himself. She married Chuck and he married Serena.

That was the end of it.

Blair started to feel her chest crush and she felt desperate for something she wasn't even sure of what it was. She was tired of not being sure…she needed to clear her head.

With that she grabbed a light coat and putting her sunglasses on she exited the building. She wanted to take a walk, she was sure of that…so she walked. Her possible destinations still forming in her mind but she couldn't decide where to go. Finally one place crossed her mind…and she was sure that there was where she wanted to go.

* * *

Dan sat in front of his computer. The block spell that he had been under had been lifted and words would just spill. He had to write all of the down, and for that reason he had been sitting there for hours, occasionally making a break to crack his knuckles and stretch his fingers just to seconds later bringing them back to their sport over the keyboard.

He was writing a love story.

A story filled with intrigue and heart break. It was actually more like an adaptation of current Manhattan's elite into the probation period. He was sure, regardless the years that set both societies apart he would be able to manage to bring some accuracy to it.

It was all about failed romances that returned to hunt the main character. A little bit too obvious, but he had planned to cover his tracks and this time no one would be able to connect the characters with someone from real life. There was no clear link of similarity in the names like before with Clair for Blair. The physique was also something that wouldn't raise any suspicions. He had learned his lesson.

Inside he knew that all this writing energy had been just a way for him to put out his frustrations about the recent event with Blair. He hated her…he despised her, and there he was trying as hard as he could to get the image of her lips out of his head. The sex dreams were not helping either.

He noticed that he had stopped writing to allow himself to indulge in the thought of her. That had been another moment were he would take a writing break, but he simply didn't want to admit it.

He was completely in love with his wife, there was no doubt about that but at the same time the idea of Blair brought warmth to his heart. And as a man he couldn't help but get aroused by the thought of her. Her figure had always been superb, and after getting to see her naked he couldn't help but to feel excited.

Damn Blair and the way she walked back into his life.

He wouldn't have that; he would not let the brunette vixen to crawl her way back into his heart. She had made her choice in the past…and there is where they remained.

No coming back.

* * *

She opened the door to her old room slowly.

"It is as nothing has changed", she declared just for her ears as she stepped in.

She sat on the edge of her bed and looked around sinking in the feeling of peace. She loved to go to her maiden home whenever she needed peace. There, time hadn't passed and she was sent back to any moment in time that she desired; she didn't have to deal with how the moment eventually ended. It was a silly delusion really, but she would still return here to do the exact same thing another time.

A thought crossed her mind.

A suffocating feeling all of the sudden overpowered her. She needed something to stop it, but she didn't know what. Her heart was crushing and aching with how much she had missed what she was looking for. Once this realization sank in, she understood what to look for.

* * *

Dorota heard Blair rumbling things in her old room.

After setting the croissant on the tray with the tea, cream, sugar, jam and a flower, Dorota lifted it and proceeded on her way to Blair's old room.

She wanted to deliver the treat to Blair, but what she wanted the most was to know what had set her off to begin such a noisy hunt.

The door was half open, and with a soft touch of her should it opened completely revealing an image of Blair going through boxes that used to be under the bed. Those were her memorabilia. Blair had the habit of storing items that someone very dear to her had offered, even if they were just scratches on a napkin.

Dorota just stood at the entrance waiting to receive some recognition of her presence by Blair. Suddenly, Blair lifted her head from the box and acknowledged her maid's presence.

"Dorota…where is it?" Blair asked with a very discreet hint of despair in her tone.

"Where is what Mrs. Blair?" Dorota asked looking concerned.

"The crown Dorota…where is the crown?"

In that moment all made sense. Dorota had noticed that something had been off with Mrs. Blair for quite some time, but now she finally understood the demons that duelled inside her mistress.

She knew what to do.

She put down the tray on the desk slowly and exited the room with caution, leaving a bewildered Blair behind.

Dorota ran down the steps and entered the kitchen with a fuss. She started searching for a very specific tin that contained a very special paper that she had founded in a park, and for some reason saved.

She didn't know what would she accomplish with this, but she would for sure find out.

* * *

Blair continued her persecution for the plastic crown that Dan had once given to her. She had remembered how that gesture had made her feel, and she needed to hold the precious token to try to remember what it had been to feel like that.

She wanted that feeling back again, and she was sure that holding that object would help her to get her mind off of it.

Tears started to threaten their way out as she began to grow frustrated with her lack of success. She swallowed hard, telling herself that this was no reason for tears…she was stronger than that.

Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of the shiny object that she had just spotted on a forgotten drawer. She lifted it from where it had been, untouched, for the past years and the memory of the fluffy pink dress, the steps, the girls and his smile came rushing to her mind. Along with it came the memory of what she felt…everything from the sweetness of his gesture to the warmth of his lips against hers.

That did it…Blair's throat formed a knot and warm tears started to fall down her cheeks. She didn't know exactly why she was crying, but she didn't care…she just had to. She hugged the crown close to her chest and let the tears fall in silence cry.

For the second time that day, she hadn't been aware of Dorota's presence by the door. However, the maid had seen most of what had just happened and her heart suffered with the sight of Blair in such a predicament.

Clearing her throat, Dorota made herself noticed and Blair wiped her tears quickly while inhaling deeply.

"Mrs. Blair", Dorota tested the waters "When we went to park to feed ducks and bumped into Mr. Lonely boy…"

"Yes…?!" Blair sang encouraging Dorota to continue.

"He dropped paper and I keep." Dorota said with a shy voice and paused to turn her attention to her apron. Blair just stood there, tears still visible on the corner of her eyes and with a confused expression plastered on her face as she watch Dorota's every move. After a few seconds, Dorota found what she had been looking for. Gently she removed the white paper from a pocked and extended it to Blair. She took it cautiously, not sure of what to expect. "I don't know if helps…but I think that Mrs. Blair should decide."

Blair looked at the paper with terrified written all over her face. She eyed it for a while gaining the courage to unfold it.

She read the paper carefully, taking in every word of the short sentences he had written.

The paper read:

_Reasons why I went from loving the bitch, to hate her:_

_1 – She dumped me without a word, an explanation…anything._

_2 – She used me for solace, because no one else was available._

_3 –She hated me when she got back from her summer with Chuck._

_4 – She forgot all that I have done for her, and set me aside on my darkest hour._

_5 – I really loved her._

As she was reading it she felt her heart sinking at every word. Knowing what he really thought about her was making more damage than she would like to allow. His words hinted her as a despicable person and yet she felt like she deserved to be treated as one. She had hurt more than she would ever be able to understand, and his words were proof of that. She could feel the anger, jealousy, angst and disappointment that he felt towards her with those short lines. Yet one part had not escaped unnoticed to her, in fact it kept echoing on the back of her mind causing the tears to spill one more time.

_I really loved her._

She always knew he had. How could have he done all the things he did for her if he hadn't? And yet she hadn't been able to return the feeling. At the time she just didn't know how to do that! She had been damaged and even thought he was doing an incredible job at trying to fix her, she had in herself her greatest obstacle. Somewhere along the way she had twisted her own view of herself as someone bad to the core, unable to be loved. How could she have loved him without loving herself? She loved how he made her feel…strong and safe, but she was not quite sure she loved the person that she was around him, she didn't recognize herself. Her tears were now rolling down her cheeks at a faster pace, and she covered her mouth with her hand in a bad attempt to hide a sob.

She just stood there with the white paper in her hand and in the middle of her room, crying. She felt like she had lost. She felt like she had done a huge mistake and she just had no chance to solve it. She had doomed herself and there was no one to blame except for herself.

Dorota gave her the pity look that asked if she wanted to be comforted. But the sobbing Blair gave no signs of willingness to accept the gesture. She just wanted to be alone with her pain.

"Dorata…please!" She looked at the maid with tears in her eyes and a clear plead in her face. With that Dorota nodded and left the room, closing the door after her to leave Blair to her desired solitude.

Once alone, Blair found her way into the bed and laid there crying, holding still the paper and the crown.

* * *

A week passed without any worth telling event. Dan, Blair and Serena had been busy with the last preparations for the coming party, which lead to them seeing each other more than they desired.

For Dan, seeing her was just a reminder of his thin ice situation with the vivid images that his mind would project of her. The dreams that she had stared brought certain redness to his face whenever they would touch due to an unfortunate accident. For Dan, seeing Blair brought lust to his heart.

For Blair, seeing him was a dreadful experience. She would find herself duelling inside with feelings of guilt and hurt over his actions, longing and disgust…for Blair, seeing Dan made her feel regret.

The day of the party had come before she had time to realize it and now, there she was in the bathroom of her master suite, fixing her make-up. She had her curls hanging loose and the light make-up gave her a relaxed appearance. Most unlike the way she was feeling inside. She was excited to see her son's face when he saw the party she had planned for him, but she was not looking forward to spend the whole afternoon with the presence of a Dan Humphrey to bring her mood down.

She sighed deeply taking another look at the mirror as if she needed to encourage herself to leave the house. She shut her eyelids close for a fragment of time, and when she opened them she was ready to go.

She grabbed her things and proceeded to exit the room. However a last thought crossed her mind. She instantly returned inside to search for the white paper that Dorota had found in the park. As soon as it was spotted, she placed it gently in her purse and left the room definitively.

"Henry it's time to leave!" She shouted from downstairs.

After a couple of silent minutes her son came rushing down the stairs with a brilliant smile plastered all over his features. As he reached her side, Blair bent down to place her hands on his cheeks and to look him straight in the eyes.

"Happy Birthday Sweetheart." She said giving him a peck on the cheek.

"Thank you mommy!"

"You know your daddy would love to be here, but he just couldn't. Your daddy loves you very much." She said looking at him with motherly tenderness "I love you so much sweetheart" She finalized it giving him another peck.

"I know mom!" Henry said, letting out a light laugh.

"Alright…let's go then! I believe there is a birthday party waiting for us!" Blair said and they entered the lift.

* * *

A/n: So how did you like it? Thanks again for keeping on reading ;P

-patricia


	10. Chapter 10

The thirty minutes trip to the Equestrian Centre felt more like a transatlantic flight. Blair had invited Serena and Dan to take the ride with them, but they had refused. Serena might have to be on call for some emergency work…whatever that meant in the fashion world. Maybe it was for the best; the trip already seemed long enough why making it even worst to had Dan's presence to it? As much as wanted to refuse it, he hadn't make it out of her thoughts. And the anticipation of a full day with him around, being wonderful with her son made her stomach flint.

Henry was sitting right next to her looking excitedly out of the window. She looked at him but her mind was somewhere else, or better saying on someone else. All of this was way too confusing and she hadn't had the time to process everything that she had started to feel after their almost kiss. She had just spent so much time hating the sight of him, and all of the sudden he had turned out to be that Dan that she once cared for dearly. The image of the plastic crown brought an unexpected smile to her face, and her heart grew softer for him. She would be lying if she said that the thought of how it would have been had she chosen him over Chuck. She had thought about it a couple of times in the beginning, before he had gone into his writing rampage, and she had been thinking about it over the past couple of weeks. He would be in that car with her, they would be at their regular bickering, Henry would laugh at them…Henry would be his! She immediately shook her head, disgusted at herself for letting that cross her mind. Chuck was Henry's father and she never had regrets for having his child, and she wasn't going to start having them now.

"It shouldn't take much longer for us to be there." Blair said breaking the silence. Henry turned his attention to her and smiled at her, bringing a motherly smile to her face.

"I can't wait!"

"I'm sure you are going to love it!" Blair stated proud of her achievement.

"I'm sure I will!" stated Henry excitedly returning his attention to the fast passing image outside of his window.

* * *

"Come on love, if you don't hurry we will be late!"

"It's just a children's birthday party…its ok if we get there ten minutes after." Serena excused herself, shouting from the bathroom.

Dan passed downstairs waiting for his wife to get ready. Going to this party after what had almost happened between him and Blair brought more anxiety to him that he wished for. He could almost describe himself as a nervous wreck, but he was sure he would be able to pull his best relaxed persona and survive the day. Yes, he would share his attention with Henry and Serena, mix with some of the other guests if necessary, but he would not let himself alone with Blair. He was sure he would be able to control himself, he was not an animal after all, but somewhere on the back of his mind, a powerful voice advised against any alone time.

"Tell me again why there is a possibility of you being called for a job?" Dan asked trying to divert himself from his own thoughts.

"I told you already," Serena said making an appearance at the top of the stairs, while fixing her hearings, "there has been a mistake, and I was booked for today. My assistant is trying to postpone the shooting for tomorrow, but so far there has been neither a yes nor a no." Serena finished as she went down the last step. "Ready?"

"As I will ever be," Dan said as he laid a soft peck on her lips. "Let's go"

They exited the building and were greeted by their driver. Dan wanted to drive them to the party but in case Serena had to leave for the shoot, the driver would be there since she was not the most talented driver. Dan just hoped that in case she had to leave it would be at an acceptable time for him to leave without her. He did not want to think how awkward it would be for him to be there without his wife, with his awareness of Blair so vivid. He still hated her, that hadn't changed, but somewhere deep inside of him he still had hope that that Blair that he saw while working for W and the woman she tried to become after, were still somewhere in her. It wouldn't change anything thou, their story was over, she had made sure of that.

Absent mindedly he let out a sigh that didn't go unnoticed to Serena. She replied by placing her hand over his on his lap and by flashing her signature smile.

"It will be so much fun!" She assured him as she placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Yeah, until you have to leave!"

"If I have to leave!" Serena corrected. "Besides that Nate will be there, and it is not like you and Blair haven't improved your relationship."

"What do you mean with that?" Dan asked suddenly scared that she had some suspicions, but yet again, there was nothing for her to be suspicious about.

"It just seems that you guys don't…er…aren't so repulsed by each other's presence lately, which is quite refreshing since she is my best friend and you are my husband." Serena said as she lurched herself to grab his arm and snuggle herself against it.

"Yes, I guess we are walking towards civilized together. But don't get your hopes so up high…I still don't like her very much."

"Better than hate!" Serena flashed another smile at him and he kissed her on the lips as if he was trying to prove himself of something.

"I love you!" he said softly.

Serena looked at him straight in the eyes and kissed him deeply. That interaction brought a huge sense of rightness to him. She was right…Serena was right for him, his perfect match. He had heard Blair refer to herself and Chuck as inevitable before, and he always thought it was stupid, but right now that was how he felt towards his relationship with Serena. What Dan was not aware of was that the intensity of that feeling had been magnified by his unpronounced doubts about his feelings towards Blair; or maybe was but insisted on denying it.

* * *

They arrived to the party.

A big collection of very expensive cars decorated the parking lot as a sign of the luxury fest that would follow. As they passed through the reception, where they were greeted by a smiley face, they were welcome by an additional staff member that escorted them to the area were the welcome committee had been set. Of course that had been a demand from Blair. If he could recall she had compared the lack of a welcome committee to a pagan celebration. He rolled his eyes at the memory, and arm in arm with Serena he directed them to a small area where Blair was surrounded by what could be compared to adult version of minions. She spotted them and a bright smile spread across her face.

"Serena…Humphrey!" She announced a little bit too loud while she waved her hand, and excusing herself, she started to walk in their direction. Serena went ahead, and inevitably both friends collided with a hug. "I'm so happy that you are here! One more minute with them and I would lose my mind. Oh, how I need my best friend for social events!" Blair stated dramatically.

"Glad to be here B" Serena said with a smile. "How is it going?"

"So far is going good! A lot of the attendees already arrived, so soon I will be relinquished from my duties as a welcoming-hostess." Blair said with a hint of humour in her voice. Acknowledging Dan's presence, Blair turned her attention to him and she felt a cold shiver rushing up her spine. "Nate is by the horse tracks. There is where the bar is located." She graced him with her knowledge of the party.

"Thank you, but I know my way around this party already…I sort of helped planning it." He said being a little bit ruder than he wished he had. In fact he didn't intended to be rude at all, however it felt like some defence mechanism in him had been triggered by the sight and awareness of her.

"Just trying to be helpful Humphrey" Blair spat back not hiding displeasure in her tone.

"And I appreciate it." Dan said trying to redeem himself and at the same time, completely annoyed by her. "Now if you ladies will excuse me, I have to first attend to the birthday boy and then to my best friend."

Dan proceeded with leaving the two friends alone but before he did so, he kissed Serena one more time on the lips and only after that did he make an exit. That earned him an intense look from Blair that went quite unnoticed to Serena, but not to Dan. As he walked away he kept on replaying it over and over on his mind. That look that Blair had just given him had been so full of something that he was not sure if he had seen it correctly or if it was just his mind playing tricks on him. He had seen hurt in her eyes. Damn her! Now this would be another piece to torment him on this day…and most likely for the ones to come.

"Dan!" a little voice shouted from a far and Dan didn't even need to think about who had projected it, because soon enough the image of the young boy appeared in front of him.

"Hey there champ!" Dan stated with his brightest smile on his face as he placed a hand on top of the boy's head. "Happy Birthday!"

"Thank you!"

"Serena has your gift; I think you are going to like this one!" Dan incited curiosity on the birthday boy.

"What is it?" Henry asked curiously.

"Now, if I told you it would ruin the surprise!"

"You are the worst!" Henry said in a very Blair like manner, with humour on his voice bringing a laugh out from Dan.

"How do you like the party?"

"It is awesome!" Henry proclaimed as all of the sudden some other kid shouted his name, and Dan saw the boy's body change with anticipation to join his friends.

"Go…and have fun!" Dan said as he gave the boy a soft push on his shoulder.

"Thanks." Henry concluded the conversation and ran away to join the horde of children.

Dan inhaled heavily and took a moment to scan the place. Long white and blue stripes had been laid as a provider of shadow. According to Blair, white tents were way too common and she wished not to be associated with anything less than the epitome of the Upper East Side Standard. Spotting a group of adults engaged into some cheerful conversation, Dan recognized his best friend in their middle and decided that some mingling was in order. He was greeted by Nate with a big smile and a pat on the back. The grudge from what had been done in the past had been forgotten easily by both of them, and they had resumed their friendship. Since then, they had assured their place as each other's best friend and never again had they had a fight. Nate was a good influence on Dan's life. He was a counsellor in all the matters referring to the life as an Upper East Sider, but he had also been there to help him keep part of his essence alive and as such, Nate had been partly responsible for Dan keeping that outsider charm to him.

Dan mingled with the adults at the party gracefully. He truly had gone from the shy, awkward kid to a perfect blend in this world. Blair couldn't help but to notice this from a far, as she greeted the guests and handled a little brochure with the activities. Since Serena and Dan had arrived, she had been painfully aware of his presence. First he had been rude to her and that annoyed her at no end, but now she found herself wondering as for the whys behind his behaviour. They had had their doses of bickering at each other, but now she thought that they were moving past it again. He just confused her, in so many ways. At this point a phone rang near her, and she noticed her best friend excusing herself away to take the call. She then turned her attention to Dan again, and noted mentally that this could not be healthy.

On the other side of the party, Dan started to move himself away from the crowd. He was comfortable in their middle but there was too much that he could take, and he found himself needing to excuse himself for a moment, to have some privacy with his thoughts. A memory of a Blair uncovering a rain coat ran to his mind, and he found himself cursing for allowing those memories to come crawling back at him. He considered himself to be a fair reasoning person, so he began to try to logic his way out of it. Serena had been his first love, they had been too young and failed at putting some prejudices aside. After that they had fallen in and out of love as if there had been an unsure ending to their love story. He had had some side-track romances, but nothing that had had a strong grip over his heart, which only came along Blair Waldorf. He had hated her at the beginning; she represented everything that he condemned in the world of the rich and powerful. But somewhere along the years he started to realise that there was much more to her; she was fragile, intelligent, determinate…she became a different person on his eyes. He felt in love with her and it was not the teenager love anymore, it was mature and strong, or so he thought. She had crushed his heart and after that he had deleted all the good judgements that he had made of her, and saw her as just that evil dictator that she was as a teen. At some point Serena crawled back to his heart, and he had welcomed her love knowing that she was his best shot at happiness. He loved his wife, but he also loved her best friend. He never had stopped loving her; he had just deluded himself with ideas of hate. There it was…his personal vision of enlightenment. His eyes searched for her, as if the sight of Blair was all he needed. He spotted her at the same place he had last seen her, and he noticed Serena looking at her direction.

* * *

"I'm so sorry B," Serena began to explain; "My assistant didn't manage to re-schedule the shooting. I have to go. "She finished with a genuine sad expression.

"It's alright S, I understand!"

"I promise I will be back as soon as possible. If all goes well in three hours I should be able to return" Serena promised giving her best friend a goodbye kiss on the cheek. And with that, Serena moved past to the parking lot where her driver waited for her. "Can you please let Dan know? I will text him nevertheless." Serena shouted from a far before she was completely gone.

Blair sighed, her new task weighting over her shoulders. She wanted nothing but distance from Humphrey; she was scared of what might happen if she allowed herself to get closer. She would greet the last guests, and then move her way into the party, spot him, tell him that Serena had left and mingle with the rest of the guests. It was a sound plan.

* * *

The staff member that was at the entrance walked towards Blair to inform her that the last people on the guest's list had just arrived. Blair greeted this information with pleasure; she was tired of the welcoming part and wished to join the festivities as soon as possible. She welcomed the last guests the same way she had welcomed everyone before, maybe just cutting down a little bit on the pleasantries. She left with them smiling and making small talk. As she approached the crowed she was intersected by several of the invitees that wanted to congratulate her for the party. She smiled and thanked, but inside she just wanted to move past them and check on her son.

That came eventually after several "thank you" and "I hope you are having a good time". She spotted her son smiling brightly as he was settled on the back of a pony. He noticed Blair and waved at her enthusiastically, she replied by waiving back and flashing him her best smile. In the corner of her eye she noticed a figure moving away to a more secluded area. Letting her curiosity win she diverted her attention to the sight just to notice that the guest that was moving away from the crowd was Dan.

Remembering about her friend's request, she decided to follow him to inform him that Serena had left for the shooting and that would be the end of it. He was going in the direction of what seemed to be a little horse stable, most likely just used for storage. She followed him without being noticed, also due to the fact that she was moving a little too far behind him. He entered. Blair rushed her pace unintentionally, eager to enter too for some reason unknown to her.

She entered softly, trying not to startle him with her presence. She noticed his presence at the bottom by a little window. He looked so charming with his hair gelled back, sunglasses hanging at the collar of his polo shirt from Ralph Lauren. He had gone a long way from that Brooklyn boy. She found herself walking in his direction with the consuming thought of him. She was very aware of his presence and there was something intoxicating about it that was clouding her judgement.

He eventually noticed that he was not the only one in that stable. He moved towards the spot where he thought the person might be just to startle Blair that had suddenly stopped where she was.

"What are you doing here?" He asked straightening himself up and starting to move in her direction.

"I just had to tell you that Serena was indeed called for that photo shoot. She supposes she will be back in about three hours" Blair said trying to break the spell that was luring her to him, but failing miserably at it.

When they came to their senses, they were mere inches apart and found that distance unacceptable but neither could find the strength to take that one last step.

"Are you enjoying the party?" She asked sounded weaker than she ever intended.

"Very much!" He stated without moving his eyes from her.

They were so close she could smell him. And he smelled good. If she hadn't her eyes locked on his, she would have closed them to take in the scent fully. But his eyes were so piercing, and so daring that she didn't dare to divert from them. Neither could take it anymore. They needed to feel each other, to hold, to kiss, and to be connected again; yet none was brave enough to make that move. It was as if giving in would proclaim one of them as the loser of an un-existing game. Dan flinched but immediately lost his nerve. Her heart skipped a beat with anticipation and without thinking she proceeded.

"Are you going to make your move or what?" She asked him daring. The dejá-vu sense of her question was all he needed to break the barrier that stubbornly had been held up to keep them apart.

His lips came crashing into hers, as his hands pushed her body against his by her waist. She stood still in shock, but as soon as his lips on hers started to feel real she gave in and kissed him back. Her arms rested on his neck, her chest pressed against his and his hands warming her lower back. It was a shy kiss at first, like lovers that were craving each other but were mesmerised by the touch of lips alone. Soon enough they wanted more, and knowing exactly when the other was ready, their tongues began to play a sensual dance for domination. Her body felt so warm against his, and he felt the presence of clothes irritating. He worked his way under her blouse and allowed his hands to explore her back, intensifying the kiss with the touch of skins. Their breath began to be cut short and they knew that they would have to break from that kiss soon enough.

As the lack of air became unbearable they broke the kiss and moved away from each other with their chests panting heavily. None could speak. None could quite process what had just happened, with all its intensity and chemistry. They just stood there, with their chests still panting as they inhaled deeply, welcoming the fresh air in their lungs. Their gazes crossed and with that their eyes were again locked. His eyes were intense with desire, and he knew that hers told no different tale than his. He didn't know what to say to her, he couldn't find any words because she occupied every corner of his mind at this point. She looked at him hungrily and at that point he knew that it was no time for words. They simultaneously moved towards the other, their bodies colliding with fervour as their lips found again their way to the others. His hands held her face close to his, as they kissed passionately. His touch was awakening every nerve in her body, and she found herself craving for more. She wanted to feel their skins, their warm bodies against each other's…hell! She wanted to feel all of him.

His arousal made itself noticeable and Blair could help but to smile against his lips. She let her hands room his chest, to find its way to his neck. It was a battle to feel as much as possible from the other. They were overwhelmed by the sensation, by the awakening of feelings that it was to be so close to the other…and they wanted more. She tugged at the end of his polo shirt and removed it with ease. As the collar passed through his head, he looked deep into her eyes and dove in for another kiss. She felt cold shivers down her spine as his hands started to make their way down the buttons of her blouse. When he finished unbuttoning them, he moved his hands to her shoulders and with side movements; he helped the blouse to fall down her shoulders. Blair made her way out of her blouse with energy, and as soon as she got rid of it, she crashed her body against him in another desperate make-out session.

Eventually they needed to get a fresh loaf of air. They stood again, gasping for air as they had for already quite a few times. She looked at him with his bare chest rising up and down in the most enticing of ways.

"This is just wrong." He said softly in between inhalations. His voice brought her back from her reverie with his naked chest. She limited herself to give him a confused look, and when she saw what it seemed to be regret on his face she couldn't help but to feel hurt. They had shared a clear moment of passion, and she could not lie and say it didn't mean anything, because it had. It had meant too much to her. But the image of him, standing bare chest in front of her, still recovering a regular breathing pattern, with a hand covering his eyes, she knew that the moment was gone.

Embarrassed, she grabbed her blouse from the ground and began to adjust herself. He just looked at her with a mix of regret for stopping it and regret for doing it plastered on his face. It just looked like he was having an inner fight over this.

"I hope you enjoy the party!" Blair said, gaining his attention to her one more time, and to her alone. His movements warned that he was going to say something, but fearing whatever he might have to say; Blair moved her hand up in a stop sign and exited the stable without any more words.

* * *

_A/n: I hope you liked it J_

_Before I conclude this chapter there is something I wanted to share. First I would like to thank you all for the wonderful review. It really brings a smile to my face to read them! However there is one particularly that I would like to mention: Magnus57, your latest review…no words for it! It was truly one of the most beautiful things anyone said about my "work". You made my day with it…thank you very much for that._

_- patricia_


	11. Chapter 11

She returned to her guests.

She had pointless conversations with topics that she could not even recall since her mind had one topic only, Dan. As hard as she tried to wash that image off of her head, it would always crawl back. The thought of him was consuming and that fact that she could still taste him on her lips and feel warmth in the places where he had laid his hands was not helping either. She felt her throat going dry and she took another sip at her drink; she would be taking a lot of sips that day.

She was entertaining a little group of people, a mix of business men and housewives. She would occasionally smile and let out a little laugh whenever she heard her peers doing the same, but she would not know the reason why they were doing this. She searched for him from a far, her eyes rooming the space in search for his figure. She had not noticed him leaving the stable, but yet again she had not been looking for him since the start. She was angry at him. They had finally given in into a moment of passion, and it had felt so right. It was familiar, comfortable, tender and passionate at the same time that was the best way she could describe it. She had felt complete, as if she had finally returned home after a forced absent. She could no longer deny to herself that she hadn't done a mistake; she had chosen the wrong man and she could finally admit that to herself. Maybe the fact that Chuck was constantly absent was clouding her reasoning and once he would return, she would fall in love with him all over again; but at the same time, something in her knew she wouldn't, something in her told her that Dan was way too deeply carved in her heart…she had only forgotten that along the way. However his actions that day brought a huge amount of doubt to her heart. He had kissed her so passionately, touched her with such devotion, his voice singing the song of his heart…it had been wonderful. But all of a sudden he regretted his actions and he broke apart from her. That felt like a rejection, but what she could not forget was that as he was rejecting her, she could still see desire in his eyes; that he hadn't been able to betray. She finally spotted him leaning over a fence and watching the horses with a distant look on his face. She wanted to run to him and demand an explanation. She wanted to hear from him why he had stopped their kiss when he clearly wanted that to happen too. She was about to excuse herself when she spotted a blond woman walking on his direction. It didn't take her long to identify the woman, but if she had any doubts, the kiss that that woman shared with Dan made it all clear. She could not help to feel a tug in her heart. Maybe that moment that she had shared earlier with Dan gave her a certain sense of possession that was now being threatened by his wife. She knew how screwed that all sounded but how could she shake that feeling off? She ended up excusing herself and as she moved to an empty spot, she started dialling.

"Hello!" she heard the man on the other side of the line saying with a sultry voice.

"Hi Chuck!" she said softly, "How are you?"

"Missing you! But besides that busy with meetings and business dinners." He inhaled deeply, "How is Henry?"

"He is having a blast! The party is a success; everything is tailored to the last detail…just perfect." Blair said with a smile on her face as she spotted her son playing happily with a bunch of children.

"I wish I could be there!" She could hear the sincerity in his voice, and that broke her heart just a little, "But if everything goes as planned I should be home a little bit earlier than expected."

"That's great news."

"I will keep you informed. Blair…dear…give a hug for me to Henry." He made a brief pause, "I have to go, I have to prepare for a meeting."

"Alright, I'm going back to entertaining our guests."

"I love you!"

"I love you too."

"Bye."

"Bye-bye." She said and she hanged up the phone. She took a deep breath as she looked around to evaluate who she would talk to next. She didn't have to make a decision as her best friend approached her, spooking her from behind.

"Oh gosh, Serena!" Blair screamed lightly as she jumped from the surprise. That provoked a laugh from her best friend.

"I'm back B!"

"I can see that clearly!" Blair said pretending to sound irritated. The truth was that she was happy to have her best friend back; she did love Serena as a sister. "How was the photo shooting?

"Ah…it-it was alright." Serena said sounding both nervous and hesitant. "B, I have to tell you something!" Now Blair saw guilt on her face.

"Go ahead!" Blair said trying to sound reinsuring.

"I-I kissed someone today. Well actually I was kissed, but I didn't step away straight away." Serena revealed giving her trademark "bottom lip bite".

"Serena!?" Blair said with a certain judgment in her voice. "What were you thinking?"

"That's it…I wasn't thinking!" Serena said not looking Blair in the eye. "Lately Dan has been distant. God I love him…and I know he loves me too, but lately we are having problems…hum…connecting!" Serena finally looked Blair in the eye.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know, maybe because it would just be making it more real…but when I was kissed today and I found myself kissing back…that was all that I needed to know that it IS real."

"S, you should talk to Dan about it?" Blair noticed that she was giving advices against herself, and she found herself balanced between undermining Serena's relationship or actually help her friend. She felt like a screw up, how could she be thinking those things? It was her best friend, the one she loved like a sister. She could not do anything to hurt Serena; they were no longer those girls in high-school that rejoiced with the others misery, they were functional friends now. And yet Blair was in love with her friend's husband.

"Do you think I should? Isn't it better to give it some time?"

"No! Serena you have been giving it time and, look at what happened today? You let yourself go…if you give it more time, imagine what can happen next!"

"You are right; I'm going to talk to him." Serena said with a smile on her face. She hugged her friend tightly. "You are the best!"

"I know!" Blair replied, and they both shared a laugh.

They kept on chatting for what felt like an eternity. People would come to join them for a while, but they would all eventually leave as the party approached its end. The sunlight started to dim, painting the sky with a mix of oranges and purples making it a truly beautiful sight. Serena and Dan were the last ones to leave as they left with Blair, Dorota and Henry.

Since they had kissed in the stables, they hadn't shared a word. They would even avoid each other's eyes, scared of what they might see in them. Serena seemed not to notice any change in their behaviour and, for a second Blair thanked those years of bickering and avoidance, it had provided them with a good disguise for this situation. They only crossed gazes when they were saying their goodbyes. Blair was hugging Serena and when they parted, she saw Dan kneeling down to be at the same height than Henry. She watched as they shared a conversation that ended with Dan messing Henry's hair has he stood up. Blair felt warmth rushing to her heart and she wished she could kiss him again. As he stood up he looked in Serena's direction, just to find Blair instead. So much and so little was said in that moment with one simple look in the eye. Desire was the strongest feeling present, followed by regret and confusion. They both knew that this could not go on, that they could not hurt those who were so close to them; but a very little voice told them that it could not be helped.

They parted with their cars on a race to the Upper East Side. In Blair's car the only topic was the party. Henry could not contain his excitement while sharing all the highlights of his birthday party. Blair listened with full attention, enjoying every word that her son spoke and thankful for the distraction away from Dan.

In Dan's car the conversation was much different.

* * *

A few days had passed since the party.

Their lives had returned to their normality; without the preparations for the party they had reduced their encounters to the normal numbers: as little as possible. However this time was not for despite, it was for fear of not being able to hold back the need to hold the other.

If Dan had already been thinking too much about Blair before the party, after was even worst. She was in his every thought, the taste of her mouth still in his as a memory of something that he had to have again. He would write more and more inspired by her. It was on one of these maniac writing days that he reached a block. The sunlight filled his office with light, and he felt the appeal to look outside of his window. It was a beautiful day, maybe one of the last truly beautiful summer days. This had been a memorable summer. He had re-learned how to tolerate Blair's presence; then he had re-learned how funny and amusing she could be, also, how such a wonderful intellectual peer she could be; then he re-learned how sensual she was, how it felt to pine over her all over again and then he re-learned how it was to duel with his feelings for her all over again. After the party, has he was driving home he had had a very serious and heartfelt conversation with Serena. She had poured her heart to him. She told him that she felt like they were growing distant from the other, and then she joked by saying that they hadn't been married for that long for that to happen. He listened to her feeling even more guilty. He knew that he had been distant from Serena because of the overwhelm that it had been to fall for Blair all over again. He apologized and she stated that it was both their fault. They finished with promises of change. That night he made love to her. At a certain point the image of Blair crossed his mind…and he had never felt so guilty in his entire life.

He was awaken from his flashback by the sound of his ring tone.

"Hello?"

"Hi love!" Serena said happily on the other side of the line. "How is your writing going?"

"Well actually I just hit an unexpected block, but it will clear soon hopefully. How is your day going? What are you doing?"

"First I hit the gym for a little bit, had lunch with Blair and now I decided to do a little bit of shopping. It's a good day off." Serena said with a chuckle.

"I'm glad you are having fun, I was…"

"Oh honey…I almost forgot" Serena interrupted him as if it was a matter of life and death that she delivered the message, "We are going to the Blair's for dinner tonight. Chuck is back so Blair is throwing him a welcome dinner."

Dan felt his breath leaving him for a moment as his stomach went cold. It became hard to swallow and Dan knew that he had to say something or Serena would find it weird. "Had he been gone long enough to deserve a welcome dinner?" Dan tried his best not to betray his actual feelings. He was angry and bothered by his return. A lingering feeling of jealousy washed over him and he felt sick just by thinking about Blair in his arms.

Serena laughed on the other side of the line, giving him a shiver. "You know how Blair is; everything is a good excuse for a party. Anyways, Nate is also coming so it will be just us. I'm kind of excited about it."

She sounded excited but he could not reciprocate the feeling, the last thing he wanted was to see Chuck parade with Blair on his arm. He cursed himself for letting this woman come back to his life, but at the same time he didn't regret it. He was a mess.

"Yeah…it will be nice." Dan said with no excitement on his voice, giving him away to Serena.

"Yes, I can see that." Serena said with a laugh, "So please be home by 7 pm so we can get ready and go."

"Yes ma'am!"

"I will see you later then…7 pm, don't forget."

"I won't"

"Love you!" Serena said with a sound of a kiss at the end.

"Love you too!" Dan said and they hang up the phone.

He looked outside one more time. It didn't look like such a beautiful day anymore. Right now Blair could be in Chuck's arms, compensating for lost time. This image made Dan's stomach swirl. Jealousy was an ugly monster that Dan could not avoid welcoming. He wanted to be the one holding her, touching her silky skin and tasting her lips as that intoxicating smell of hers washed away every rational thought.

He sat on his desk and started to write angrily, and so he did until seven. When his alarm rang to indicate that if he would stay a minute longer he would be in trouble, he clicked the save button and as he closed his laptop he grabbed for his jacket that was hanging on the back of his chair and headed out the door.

* * *

Chuck's return had been a surprise. One day she was returning home from work when she heard giggles coming from the living room. Approaching the area she was able to recognize her husband's voice and his figure in the living room when she entered was the last need proof that he was back.

She was happy for his return, but at the same time she wished he hadn't. She felt awful for feeling like that; she had to be losing her mind that was the only explanation for wanting your husband away so that you can be with your best friend's husband. Well, in fair honesty, that last part she could cut off. Dan hadn't made any move nor given any sign that he wanted to be with her. They had barely seen each other since the party and she couldn't deny that she missed him. She had been blind before, but now she could see clearly that he was the man she loved. All it took was a kiss. And she had replayed that kiss over and over in her mind, first she looked for answers for the reason why he had rejected her, but after a while she could only delight herself in the passion that they had shared. She wanted to feel that way again, but she knew she couldn't and that only brought her regret for letting him go all those years ago. Now everything had been forgotten, her fears for his undying love for Serena, the heartbreak that that sex tape brought her, the anger towards him because of the things that he was writing; it was all gone.

But she had her husband right in front of her. As soon as Chuck noticed her presence, he stood up with a grin, walked towards her and pulled her into a deep kiss. She could tell that he had missed her for he kissed her so eagerly.

Later that evening, she was lying in bed with her negligee and a content Chuck, sleeping soundly next to her. Making love to him that evening felt…wrong! He was at his top level, but it just felt wrong; he was not the one she wanted to do that with. As she lied on her back she let her mind wander off to Dan once again. She thought of him and of his chiselled chest. She felt her heart pace race and an acknowledging smile spread across her face.

She dreamt about him that night.

* * *

Dan entered his apartment to be greeted with a full on the lips kiss. Serena hanged her arms around his neck as she kissed him passionately. He let a soft moan escape into her mouth, and she just kissed him even deeper in return.

"Where did that come from?" Dan asked; his mind still clouded from the strength of that kiss.

"Since when do I need permission to tease my husband?" She said with a sultry voice as she held his lower lip between her teeth.

She kissed one more time and Dan started to feel aroused. Serena was of extreme beauty and her body drove every man insane, he was no exception. Her perfectly curved hips, her delicate waist, her full round breasts, her brown locks…suddenly Dan opened his eyes in awe, he had started picturing Blair while he had his beautiful wife in his arms. He broke the kiss gently, trying to not give himself away.

"Maybe we should start getting ready!" He said giving her a quick peck.

"Hmmm…are you sure?" She said clearly aroused as well.

"Yes, as much as I want to do this…it is rude to be late for dinner!"

"Fine!" She said turning away, "But we can continue when we come back." She said turning around one more time and kissing him for the last time.

"Maybe…" he teased her as she started to walk up the stairs.

He moved towards the bar and poured himself a glass of whiskey. This would be a long night.

* * *

Nate was the first to arrive. Blair and Chuck greeted him and Chuck escorted him to the bar to pour his friend a drink. Blair busied herself revising the schedule and menu with the catering supervisor. She was very aware of who her guests were, especially one of them. She felt like a nervous wreck; he would enter her penthouse any time soon with Serena on his arm, and for the first time after the party they would be in a limited space with the company of the other. She was not entirely sure of how she would react to this situation, she wanted to see him badly but she was terrified that she would give her jealousy away.

She heard the lift doors opening with a ding. Her head turned automatically into the direction of the lift. Serena stepped out first, her hand holding/pulling her husbands'. And there he was, looking as uncomfortable as she was feeling right now. Something inside of her turned warm and she could feel her heart race. She wanted so badly to go to him and kiss him on the lips, to feel his arms around her as she leaned against his back…but her surroundings were enough to break the reverie.

Serena walked happily towards her without letting Dan's hand go. Only when she was inches from her best friend, and prepared herself to hold her in a hug, she let go of Dan's hand. He just stood there as Serena hold Blair in a hug. Blair just stood there locking eyes with Dan. The force of his gaze sent shivers down her spine and she saw him moving uncomfortably for a split second, giving away to her that he was also shaken by her presence. Their gazes crossed with such intensity that it was hard for Blair to break it when Serena stepped away from their embrace.

They greeted each other animatedly and were soon joined by Chuck, who gave Serena a big hug and smiled at her as he answered all of her questions. Nate joined the party and placed himself between Dan and Chuck. Across from Dan was Blair and they could not stop to look at each other. Blair started to feel her checks blush and that gave her a shy smile from Dan. At some point Chuck must have made any reference to Blair, because he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him, placing a gentle kiss on her temple. Nate, Serena and Chuck laughed lightly but Blair just gave them a polite smile and Dan simply felt his body tense.

He couldn't explain why seeing Blair with her husband was so upsetting, but it was. He felt a rush of anger coming over him, as jealousy poisoned his heart. He too smiled politely at the jokes that were being told; occasionally he would even let out a light laugh earning him, each time a look from Blair.

As for Blair, she could just compare this to a black waltz party; it just felt like a cruel joke. They were so close to each other, and clearly both of them were overwhelmed by desire, yet they could not act upon it due to the circumstances. She wanted to be able to snuggle into him as others engaged in conversations; she wanted to have his arm around her waist, not Chucks. Her stomach went could at this thought. She had caused this! She could have had him forever but she had made the wrong decision and she had lost it all…her doom at her own hand. Suddenly, Chuck's touch repulsed her, and she felt like a trapped animal.

The entire dinner went like this. She felt trapped in her own house, so close to what she wanted and yet so painfully apart. Every time their gazes would cross, she could read her own emotions plastered in his eyes…he was feeling the same way too; thirsty for each other's mouths and hungry for the other's touch. They finished dinner and moved back to the living room to engage again in conversation in a more comfortable layout. Chuck sat comfortably on the couch holding a glass of whiskey in one hand and Serena sat next to him, with a glass of red wine. Nate sat on another couch across from where Serena and Chuck were. Blair had excused herself to confer with the caterers. In the meantime, Dan stood in front of the window, taking in the cityscape. Noticing that no one would notice his absence, he moved to the bathroom only to in the last minute, make an unexpected turn towards the kitchen.

* * *

Blair was leaning in the counter with a glass of wine in hand as the caterers fixed the last details around her. She looked absent minded and Dan just felt even more lured to her. He approached her without her noticing.

"I need to talk to you." He whispered into her hear at which she jumped in surprise. She turned around to face him; as if she was not sure her mind had gotten the best of her and tricked her into hearing his voice. When she saw his face, her expression lighted up and she gave him a shy warm smile.

"Not here…come with me." She said lowly and she motioned for him to follow her. She guided him across the kitchen to a little area that had access to a balcony. She opened the sliding door and gesture for him to pass, closing the door after she too had done the same. "What did you need to tell me?" She asked him a little bit too dryly as if she had just pulled a protection.

"I-I…"he cleared his throat not looking her in the eye until that point. "I…" he stopped and he looked up, meeting her eyes.

If it would be possible for time to slow down, this would be one of those moments. Without another word, Dan just lunched his arms towards her to grab and pull her towards him. As their bodies were about to collide, his lips crashed against hers giving her a deep kiss. Their tongues didn't waste any time to come into the others mouth, starting that familiar dance for domination. Her hands grabbed his hair on the back of his head, pulling his mouth deeper into hers. Their kiss was hectic, an explosion of long repressed feelings and desire for the other.

He broke the kiss but held her forehead against his; his hands placed on both of her cheeks. They breathed erratically trying to recover from yet another moment of passion.

"I can't stand seeing you with him." He confessed lowly not opening his eyes.

Blair didn't know what to say. There he was, practically confessing to her and she was speechless. That moment however, didn't last long as the question that she had been dying to ask suddenly came to her mind. "Why did you reject me on the stables?" she had not been able to avoid a little tremble in her voice as she voiced her question.

He finally opened his eyes and moved his face away from hers so that she could look him perfectly in the eyes.

"I got scared…yo-you damaged me so much all those years ago, and there I was again…falling all over you as if nothing had happened. And then there is Serena…I-I couldn't do it."

"So why did you do it again?" Blair tested her waters.

"Because that's the only thing I can think about." He voiced huskily as he grabbed her one more time, pulling her to another kiss. She didn't protest and she just corresponded as eagerly to his kiss. When they pulled apart silence feel over them. They just stood there in each other's arms enjoying this moment of contentment. None of them spoke as they were too scared of ruining this precious moment.

They were brought back to reality with a loud laugh that came from the inside.

"We should go!" She said without any will in her voice.

"Yeah…you are right." His voice mirrored her will to move away from that place.

"Dan…What does this mean for us?"

He was not expecting that exact question, but he knew that at some point something like that would come.

"I don't know yet…but I want to figure it out."

She gave him a little smile and moved towards the sliding door. "Come over in a few minutes." She said as she exited.

Dan just stood in the balcony for a while taking in the cityscape for the second time that night, the only difference was that now he had a totally different state of mind.

* * *

_A/n: How was it? Do you like the way things are going? Give me your feedback :D_

_Thanks for reading!_

_Xoxo_

_-patricia_


	12. Chapter 12

Everything inside of him was in turmoil. He lusted over Blair that was no doubt about that and if he would be honest with himself he would admit that he always had done so. When he heard the news about her upcoming marriage to Chuck, all those years ago, his heart broke. That had been the moment that his last hope for reconciliation had left him, and yet again, at that time he had been passed hurt to even attempt to make a move. He had smiled and pretend that he didn't care, he even helped organize the ceremony just to have his heart shatter at every word pronounced, every look that she would give Chuck and the consuming thought that that night Chuck would lie down with Blair as her husband. He felt like running, he felt suffocated and yet there was no place to run to and no gulf of breath that would suffice.

He had settled for second best and he had learned how to love Serena all over again, but in Dan's heart the show down between the two women had only one fixed winner. After everything that she had done, how could he possibly love her this much? She had left him without a word; discarded him without even bothering to hear an explanation; she married Chuck and she had his child and nevertheless, he had wanted her all this time. After their last encounter his body was aching for her touch and not even his beautiful wife had managed to get his mind off of her brunette friend. Serena had seduced him that night after the welcome dinner for Chuck, and as a healthy man he had corresponded to her stimuli but needless to say that he had a totally different person in mind.

This burning desire combined with all the prejudices that he had against her were driving off the edge. He wanted to kiss her and he wanted to never talk to her again; he wanted to touch her and he wanted to never see her again; he wanted to be inside of her and he wanted to forget that she existed. If there was an award for dysfunction it would be his.

He was growing frustrated with himself and it didn't matter what he could not disconnected from his own mind. In one of those moments of frustration he grabbed his jacket and he left his office. He needed to go back to his roots. He headed to the loft.

After his father had re-married he had moved into a modest apartment and left the loft to Dan. Now that was his shrine for solitude, the place he would go to clear his head most likely when he was facing a creative block. Needless to say that he was facing no creative block, and even though that place brought him so many memories of her he still felt like the place where he would like to be. Serena knew that whenever he was there it was for him not to be disturbed and she was very respectful with that, so in order to avoid any unnecessary worries on her behalf he texted her on his way saying that he would stay there tonight. With that he muted his phone, not wanting to turn it off completely and he proceeded his way.

* * *

His lips.

His taste.

His hands.

His touch.

Her heart grew warm at the thought of him and at the same time she would feel a cold wave on her stomach that screamed how wrong all of this was. Blair thought of him more than what would be considered healthy, she would drift her train of thought to him in her office and when she would return from her reverie she would find a teenager smile on her face, as if she had just discovered love for the first time. Thinking of him made her feel safe; made her feel complete and extremely warm. All those years back she had been scared of him…scared of his feelings for her and her growing feelings for him too; he had been Serena's before he had been hers and if there was something that Blair could not stand would be to lose to Serena one more time, especially someone as important as Dan. Chuck had been hers and hers alone, there was no blonde bombshell threat to menace what little stability she had; with Chuck she would not have her heart being crushed over the thought that he would always want Serena instead of her…it was more safe in that sense. And yet again, she had never felt so safe with anyone like she had with Dan; she knew that he would be always by her side no matter what but there was always this little poisonous voice in the back of her mind reminding her how in love he had been with Serena, making her grow sick and afraid. She had to run from that, the fear had become too overwhelming as her feelings grew stronger for him. If she would love him too much and he changed his mind over Serena…she wouldn't be able to take it; she could have had bet on them but she placed her bet in a safer place. Chuck loved her and in pure honesty she loved him too, she was just not in love with him. There would be no Serena in Chuck's mind to create any instability in their relationship so, the day that Dan told her he loved her was the day she knew that this had to end. She was in love with him, how couldn't she be? But the fear and all of her past failed relationships made her so scared of failing with him too that she knew she had to run…if he would break her heart she wouldn't make it, it would be too much. The sex tape that was released short after their break-up was enough for her to start resenting him and eventually hate him – he had told her he loved her and slept with Serena on the same week.

But there she was all these years later…he had married Serena because she was the love of his life as she always knew; she had married Chuck and she had been content but never fully happy…and Dan had stormed back into her life and now she had something to look forwards to. His kiss, his touch – all about him was burning her with desire and passion, a true sleeping giant that had been suddenly awake. However this time they could not act on impulses. They were both married and Blair, truly cared dearly for both her husband and her best friend. How could she even think of Dan any other way than her best friend's husband? How could she see him as a man and lust over him so irrationally? She had been fighting the urge to call him since it all happened. She just wanted to hear his voice, and just that little desire made her inside twirl, she just wanted to look into his eyes and let her fingers sink on his hair – she had to stop this, she would go crazy if she continued to think of him.

She looked outside to see that it was already dark, without thinking twice she grabbed her things and headed out of her office.

* * *

Dan just sat on his loft trying to write something that had nothing to do with Blair, but failing miserably at each attempt.

She was his every thought and this desire was eating him up inside. He was in physical pain for not being able to be with her. His heart felt always heavy, his stomach was always cold…nothing had been right for a long time, but he had to taste her again to remember how much he needed her, how much he loved her still.

There was no need to cover it up with hate anymore; it would just be a lie that he no longer believed. He wanted the woman that he could not have. He loved a woman that as a girl broke his heart beyond repair. He loved Blair and it had to stop; it was not fair to Serena. She had been a good friend and a good wife to him, he loved her too but he loved Blair more.

He was growing tired and frustrated when his phone vibrated next to him. His heart stopped when he saw the caller ID: Blair. Why would she call him so late at night? Noticing that he had been staring at the screen and afraid she would hang up he picked up the phone.

"Blair?"

"…"

"Blair? Are you there?" He could hear some noise in the background but he was not sure what it was exactly. After another moment of silence from her side he asked one more time, "Blair? Is that you? Are you ok?"

"Oh…Humphrey…I'm drunk!" and indeed she was. Her voice was dragged in laziness and he knew she had had it good.

"I can hear that!"

"Don't be…err….con-con-condescending with me…can you…will you pick me up? I don't want to go home…"

"Alright…Blair? I need you to give the phone to the bartender, can you do that?" he heard some more noises on the background until he heard another male's voice. "Hello Sir, I want to pick my friend up but I don't think she can give me the clear address. Can you please text this number with the address and the name of the establishment? Oh! And please don't let her leave with anyone else besides Daniel Humphrey."

"Sure!" The bartender said on the other side.

"Thank you very much!" Dan said and hung up the phone.

He grabbed his things and called a taxi while he waited for the text message. Somehow he felt like it all was taking for forever as he grew more and more impatient to see and take care of her.

He finally arrived at the place and asked the driver to wait, while he entered and grabbed Blair. She was by the counter, her hands supporting her head and a straw in her mouth. He hoped that was water. He spotted the bartender and tipped him for his services before he touched her lightly. She immediately turned her attention to him and in her drunken haze she formed a smile at the sight of him.

"Dan!" she exclaimed with the sweetest voice he had ever heard coming out of her.

"Hey drunkie!" He said jokingly as he passed one of her arms around his neck. She hit him lightly with her free hand leaving it on his chest without taking her eyes out of it. "Blair…"Dan called for her calmly, somehow scared and pleased by their proximity. She looked confusedly at him and without a warning she kissed him on the lips.

The kiss was quick and without tongue, but it was intimate nevertheless.

"Let me take you home…" Dan said softly.

"No…take me somewhere else, but don't take me home." Blair said with a hint of despair on his voice. He could smell the alcohol in her, but he wouldn't ask for the reasons that had her drinking.

"Alright then, I will take care of you."

"Oh my God….Serena!" Blair let out as a sudden realization hit her.

"Don't worry; I was staying at the loft anyways."

Blair gave him a small smile and entered the taxi with his assistance.

* * *

The taxi ride to the loft was short, but it had been long enough for Blair to fall into a deep drunken sleep. When the driver pulled by the entrance, Dan paid and dragged Blair out of the taxi gently. Initially she felt like a dead weight to him, but as she regained some sort of sleeping conscience, her body stopped feeling so heavy and she nestled her head on his chest. She was still sound asleep when they entered the loft, and not wanting to wake her up Dan carried her to his old bedroom and lied her on his bed. He sat a small water station by her bedside in case she would wake up thirsty.

Mesmerized by the sight of her, he sat for a few minutes on the side of the bed. First he only looked at her, memorizing every trait of her sleeping and feeling his heart grow warm with love. At that moment he was not lusting over her, he was just in love with the woman that slept so peacefully in front of him. Gently he caressed her hair and, not sure if he would be able to be in her presence much longer without any physical contact, he simply placed a soft good night kiss on her lips and left the room with a content, and drunk, sleeping Blair.

He sat in front of his computer once again, but this time he did not even bothered in trying to keep any trait of Blair out of his narrative. Eventually he dozed off to sleep, only to also have his dreams filled with the brunette.

* * *

The smell of freshly brewed coffee woke her up from her drunken sleep. Her head was killing her and she still had that feeling of lack of balance. She could taste a minibar on her mouth and it disgusted her. She took in her surroundings only to realize that she was in a familiar place, however it was not home. Had she been a little more sober she would have recognized it immediately, but since that was not her state she could only have that feeling of knowing something without being able to name it. As she looked around she spotted her bag. She hoped she had something there that would take that morning/drunk breath away and she could have not been more thankful when she grabbed a pack of gum. The fresh mint flavour made her feel nauseated, but she regained composure and kept on looking around.

_Cedric?_

The little old toy was all she needed to know where she was. The question now was how did she got there and was it Dan the responsible for the enticing aroma that filled the room?

Her heart started to beat faster and faster as she tried to remember last night, but to no avail. Had she called him? Had she told him that she loved him? Had she cried and begged for his forgiveness? Had they kissed? Had they slept together? At that last question she both hoped for a negative and a positive reply, since she would love for that to happen but she would hate not remembering it.

She felt like a nervous child about to enter the headmaster's office. She paced in the room trying to gather herself before she exited the room and faced Dan. All the fears of what she could have had possibly done or said the night before forbid her to step outside the safety of that room. And yet again…who said it was Dan the one on the other side? She could have called Serena and to avoid any indiscretions Serena might have brought her there.

With a little bit more of relieve but still with an undeniable doubt in her heart she exit the room.

The brightness of the place made her squeeze her eyes shut and the aroma was just too overwhelming.

"Oh you are up! Good morning…"a very male, known voice said cheerfully.

"Good morning!" Blair managed to say but her voice sounded like the one of an old lady that had smoked her entire life. She also managed to open her eyes just to find his figure by the kitchen counter.

Since he had married to Serena and became this big author/upper east sider this had to be the first time she saw him as old Brooklyn Dan again. His hair was messy and he was wearing one of his trademark plaid shirts. She felt her breath escaping her and her heart raced one more time that morning. Somehow in the middle of that loft she felt like time hadn't passed, like she had never done the biggest mistake of her life and letting him go, like they were just Dan and Blair…her Dan. She felt so paralyzed by all these feelings that she just stood there looking at him.

His face grew serious and maybe even with some concern in his expression, but he was feeling exactly the same thing. In front of him stood the woman of his dreams, his one that got away – and she looked more beautiful than ever if that was even possible.

They just stood there in silence looking at the other until it became way too much to bear and the convention's barrier was broken, if the other would turn away it was a worth risk but at that point that was not even in the others mind as their next move was a simultaneous run to the other and a desperate clash of lips.

Their hands explored the others body and hair as the kiss grew hungrier and hungrier. At this point there was not a clear thought in each other's mind except for the tastes and feelings that this powerful kiss was giving them.

Their tongues fought desperately for an uncalled for domination; and their hands were just everywhere. Every time they would need to gather some air they would just stare into the others eyes, no words needed to express what they were both feeling and as soon as the need of air had been satisfied, they would return to their desperate kissing.

At some point Dan's hands grabbed her arse and in automatic move she jumped, placing her legs around his waist, he grabbed her more tightly and pressed her against the wall. The rough contact made her break their kiss and that was what Dan needed to proceed with kissing some other parts of her. He attacked her neck and collar bone and she could not help but to let soft moans escape from her lips, as she drowned on the feeling. Eventually the need of him against her lips grew stronger and stronger and she started to kiss his neck as well. Both just wanted to feel the most of the other in a clumsy and desperate way and at the same time so coordinated.

"I want you!" escaped from Blair's lips in a whisper as he kissed an especially delicate part of her neck.

He stopped what was doing to look her in the eyes. His eyes searched hers looking for any sign of doubt or regret regarding what they were doing or about to do, but there was nothing there – just pure desire and lust and dared he think, love? He would not wait to find out, and he fully kissed her once again wanting everything of her.

He lowered her down as he unzipped her dress, removing it gently from her shoulders as she set foot on the ground. She stood in front of him with just panties and a bra and he swore he had never seen anything like that. He kissed her again, and he felt her despair in feeling his skin on hers as she tried to unbutton his shirt. Once she was done she removed it from his body and took a moment to enjoy the view of his toned chest, her hands caressed his lower belly and her lips left trails on his shoulder. He attacked her neck with fervour as her fingers found the edge of his jeans.

After she unbuttoned his jeans, he pinned her once again against the wall. The closeness to his member had been enough to drive him of the edge. They kept on devouring each other as he tried to remove his pants and boxers.

"Oh God…I want you." He said in a husky voice.

Her hand moved to where he wanted it and for a second he felt like he couldn't breathe. She nibbled his ear as he stopped pressing her back against the wall and carried her to the kitchen counter. As soon as she sat on the edge of the counter he moved his fingers to the sides of her panties causing shivers down her spine. After that piece of cloth had been removed he moved closer to her, feeling the heat and wetness of her core on his member.

"O-Oh Dan…"

He needed nothing more. He was lost in her and he needed to be even more lost, inside of her. He positioned himself and entered her gently. Her nails tug on his back as the sensation overwhelmed her. She felt complete and the initial pleasure of the penetration was extremely intense. When he was fully inside of her he stopped to kiss her lips, and as their tongues danced together he started his ministrations.

He moved slowly at first enjoying every feeling of being inside of her. His mind was completely blank and he was blinded by lust, by her. She seemed to be delighted too, her eyes were closed and she would let some moans escape, some a little bit more intense than others, giving him the insurance that he was doing it right.

Making love to her was a second nature to him, he remembered every spot that would trigger her and he played his cards well.

Blair was ecstatic. He moved so smoothly and with each trust she felt her tension build up. She enjoyed his slow and careful movements for a while until her upcoming orgasm required a little more action.

"Please…" she whispered on his ear with a velvety voice, "…ha-harder!"

That was all he needed. He started to move more frantically inside of her. Sweat covered both their bodies, and Dan too felt his release coming closer.

"B-Blair…I…"

She replied with a moan, and somewhere in the middle of it, it shaped into Dan's name. He felt her tighten around him and her nails dug deeper on his back. The entire scene drove him off the edge, she was screaming his name, her inner walls wrapping around his member as she rode her orgasm and her nails hurting him in a pleasurably way. He too lost it to his orgasm as he shot his load inside of her with her name on his lips in the sexiest husky voice she had ever heard.

Neither could move, neither had a coherent thought on their minds. He rested his head on her shoulder and her heart grew warm by the gentle gesture. Their bodies were covered in sweat and they were exhausted from the hectic moment they had just shared.

"I'm sorry…" Dan let out in a breath and her heart sank. How could he regret it? How could he form these words at a moment like this? Why was he rejecting her like that? And why wasn't he saying anything else, or moving away from her? "…I'm sorry I didn't take my time to bring you to the bed." He said, still in a husky voice and he pressed some kisses over her shoulder. "I wanted to make love to you…and we ended up having sex."

"And it was great!" She said kissing the top of his head, relieved that he was just being his normal gentleman self and not a bastard that would tell a girl he had regrets of having sex with her right after they were done. "Besides…we can give it another try." She said while biting her lower lip.

He looked at her like he had done before. His eyes glued on hers looking for something that neither knew exactly what it was. Without any notice he kissed her fully on the lips but this time it was not a hungry and desperate kiss, it was passionate, it was calm and tender…it was perfect. Without breaking the kiss he lifted her and carried her to his bedroom.

Once had not been enough to satisfy the years of desire that they had both pilled over the other, but this time he would take his time to fully enjoy and please her; to love her.

* * *

_A/n: I'm sorry for the delay with the update. This chapter was very hard to write because I don't feel all that comfortable with sex scenes to be honest, but I hope I managed to live up to expectations._

_I would also like to take the chance, to thank you all for reading and for the wonderful reviews you have been posting. It is truly rewarding to see that you are enjoying reading it._

_Xoxo_

_-patricia_


	13. Chapter 13

She woke up with a beam of light hitting her eyes. She swift in the bed trying to escape from it, only to find herself wrapped around a male body. It didn´t take her long to realize who that body belonged to, and an instant smile spread across her face as she nested against his chest. Her second round with Dan had been completely different from the first; he had been so gentle with her and even thought she had been already "good to go" from the beginning, he had taken his time to make sure that she would be as pleased as possible – and she had. Making love to Chuck was very good too, but the nature of their intimate moments were way more aggressive than passionate, a fight for dominance that had lost the romantic touch long ago; with Dan it had been so much more. Even though their first time had been rough and full of desperation, the second time had been what all the girls want, he had been gentle, caring, sweet, and passionate…it was just perfect. With the memory of their moment in mind, she started to caress his hair, enjoying every moment of his sleeping figure. As she examined his features, she couldn't help but to feel a tug in her heart – this was all that they could have, fleeting moments of passion with each other. Blair couldn't leave Chuck; she had a child with him and she did love him still and Dan, Dan would not leave Serena for her, she was sure of that. She had brought that to herself and with that knowledge a single tear escaped from the corner of her eye and as it rolled down her face, it was as if it marked her awareness of her fate – to love a man that she could not have. Even if they were to leave their current spouses, they would alienate themselves from the world since at the eyes of society Chuck and Serena would always be the victims of their wrong doings.

"I could wake up like this forever…" said Dan with a cracked by sleep voice. She replied with a smile and a soft kiss on his lips.

"Good morning!" she said softly repeat her movements from before and caressing his hair.

"Hmmm…I'm not so sure if it is still morning." He said, his face growing serious suddenly. "Blair as much as I would love to have you for myself the whole day, won't Chuck be worried by your absence?"

"I told him yesterday that I might pull an all-night at the office. We have an understanding…he won't call me at work, the same way I won't…unless, of course, it involves Henry!" Blair stated not being able to hide a certain concern and, dared Dan say, regret in her voice?

"Blair…" Dan said with a sigh. Blair knew him way too well to know what he had on his mind, and therefore, preventing whatever he might have to say next she quickly placed her index finger over his lips, followed by her own.

"Can I spend the day with you?" she asked almost child-like.

He looked at her intensively, looking for any trace of doubt in her eyes…but he found nothing. She was determinate to be with him, at least for now and he could not refuse what his heart had longed for so long. He kissed her fully on the lips, transmitting all the passion that he had for her in that one kiss…and also replying to her question.

"So…w-what do you want t-to do?" He asked her while he was still trying to gather his breath.

She buried her head against his chest like an embarrassed child and spoke from that position muffling her voice.

"Can we do what we used to do?"

"Do you want to go to the MET?" He asked teasing her. As soon as these words got out of his mouth he regretted them. They could not go to the MET has they used to, they could go as friends but not as lovers; their romance could only live confined between safe walls.

"No…"she said looking him straight, "I want to cuddle with you on the couch; I want to watch old movies…"

"Code for Breakfast at Tiffany´s?" he interrupted her.

"Maybe…I want to eat waffles; I want to discuss books…you know…the old usual us."

"Exactly in that order?"

"Not necessarily, we can see how it goes…maybe we can add some activities to the list." She said with a naughty smile and placed a quick kiss on his lips.

"Not enough…"he said in a very Cyrus manner, tightened his grip on her, bringing her naked body closer to his and kissing her deeply.

They stayed in bed for a little bit longer. They divided their bed time between kisses and heated discussions about literature; neither could tell which part had they enjoyed more if the intellectual stimulation or the other sort of stimuli. Blair hinted her disposition in engaging in yet another intimate moment, but Dan wanted to be with her in so many ways that he left that part a little bit neglected; funny enough, she was not even frustrated about it as she was enjoying her time with him as much.

"So you are telling me that, even though I managed to be on the New Yorkers Best Seller list a couple of times these past years…you never read one of my books?" Dan asked with his pride wounded.

"Humphrey you should know that I am not one to follow the masses. Besides I always had an inclination towards the classics and I'm quite sure that your book does not fit my standards."

"Don't you think that Jane Austen was just a regular writer back in her time? The classical status is attributed with time. Who knows maybe one day Inside will be considered a classic, a Vanity Fair of its sorts?"

"Dream on Humphrey!"

"Could there be another reason why you haven't read any of my books?"

"Well if you must know…"Blair paused for a brief moment, evaluating the words that she was about to let out," I was not in the disposition of reading a love parade about Serena, to be honest. I could see it clearly every time I was around the two of you; there was no need for reading your eternal love declaration in the form of a novel!" Blair said with a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"The funny thing is, they were not entirely about Serena…well…at first yes, I was trying so hard not to describe you on my pages; not to have the main male character do the things that I wanted to do to you, to the character that you inspired. But with time I stopped fighting it…there was no point, you would always come rushing to my mind and I would find myself with yet another Clair-like character. You were always my biggest inspiration Blair…in the good or in the bad moments."

Blair had listened to his little speech with her heart heavy for him. This man had kept her in his mind for the duration of their break-up and even when he started a relationship with one of the most desirable women of New York's elite.

"Is this your new seduction technique?" Blair asked, as she neared his face with hers.

"Is it working?"

"Yes!" she replied seductively.

"Then…yes!" He said closing the space between them to give her a kiss.

* * *

They spent the rest of the day like the friends/lovers that they had been.

They cuddled on the old sofa while watching Gone with the Wind (Blair didn't want to be stereotyped with a forever watcher of Breakfast at Tiffany's so she decided to surprise him with another choice of movie – the fact that Gone with the Wind had a greater duration time had nothing to do with her choice). They traded their usual comments regarding the adaptation from the book into a movie; actors' performance and ultimately the underlines of each characters portrait and what that represented in the conjecture of the time frame of the story. Eventually they grew hungry and Dan hushed to make his famous waffles for Blair's delight.

They ate while they watched the rest of the movie, but as Blair grew bored also, her sexual appetite grew stronger. She started playing with the buttons of his shirt, drawing circles on his chest as a call for his attention, but it seemed that he was not getting the hint. Her mind started to grow restless as she pictured the worst case scenario…he was not that attracted to her anymore.

Dan felt her body stiff on top of his and he was more than sure to know the reason why. If she hadn't changed that much she would still be the same Blair from his memories, her brain would be in over-drive trying to figure out the reasons why he was not responding to her clear sexual call. Also knowing that she would be probably feeling a blow to her self-confidence, Dan decided that it was just too cruel to carry on with the teasing that he originally intended.

His hand moved to top hers for a brief second, earning him a curious stare from Blair. Taking the chance that she was so close to him and her face in an optimum position, he moved said hand to her chin to lift it slightly to align perfectly with his for a passionate kiss. Once again, Dan felt the result of his actions in her body weight. As a soft moan escaped from her lips, her body relaxed more into his. At the same time Dan's arousal grew and he felt the need to hold her body closer to his; he then pulled her totally on top of him allowing himself more space to let his hands room through her body.

All of the sudden the previous doubts that Blair had occupying her mind vanished, leaving only space for the burning desire that she felt for Dan. Knowing where this was going, she slowly started to unbutton his shirt. After she was done, Dan moved his hands to strip her but Blair denied him his wish. She sat on top of him and ever so slowly started to remove her own clothes. Eventually Dan grew tired of waiting for contact; he raised his upper body from the couch quickly to kiss the now exposed skin of the dream woman that he had on top of him. Feeling the hardness of his movement, Blair proceeded with removing his shirt furiously.

Once again they lost themselves in each other.

They didn't even have time to move their activity to the bedroom and they consummated the act on that exact couch where years ago they had kissed for the last time.

Dan worked her with mastery. He touched all the right places, preparing her for what was coming next. When he reached her womanhood she was clearly already ready for receiving his, however he wanted to see her face twitch with pleasure before his vision got clouded by his own. He massaged her folds for a little bit before sliding his fingers inside of her without any warning; with this surprise ministration Blair let a velvety moan escape from her lips driving Dan even more over the edge. He started to move his fingers in and out of her while he kissed her shoulder blade…he was determinate in making her beg for more of him. Blair let out soft moans as soundtrack for each of his movements, she was starting to feel her mind going blank; she tried to place some kisses on him but to no avail.

"Dan…oh God Dan…" he responded with a grunt, "p-please Dan…OHHH….I want you…I ne-need you…"

Divided between his plan and his own desire, Dan gave in and removed his fingers from her to grab his member and position it, readying himself for penetration. He took a second to kiss her fully on the lips savouring every taste of her. Without any warning Dan tilted his waist up, entering her; at the same time, as a response from the sensations that were crossing her body, Blair let yet another moan escape from her lips, breaking Dan's kiss. He sought the opportunity to nibble on her lower lip while she recovered from the surprise. As she did, she rested her head for a moment on Dan's shoulder while he kept on moving in and out of her.

This session endured for longer than the previous two.

They were enjoying themselves to the fullest, in certain ways similar to the first time they had had sex. The difference was that this time Dan didn't have to "throw the first pancake" since the first time they had gave into their urges after all those years had been as pleasurable (maybe more) as the time they did it on the lift.

By the time they had experienced a great orgasm, their bodies were covered in sweat and the evening was starting to announce its arrival.

"That…"Dan tried to say still recovering both his breath and his mind, "..that was….amazing!" Blair replied by letting out a soft agreeable chuckle and burying her head on the crook of his neck.

They stayed like that for a little bit longer until Blair had to burst their little bubble. "It's getting late…I have to go!"

"I know!" Dan replied softly, not wanting to part away from her, but aware that it was a must. They had managed to escape from their world for a day and in that day that had found their way back to each other; however reality was calling and they both had lives to go back to. Blair started to pull herself together and trying to make herself presentable for her family, meanwhile Dan just put his boxers back on and leaned back on the couch watching her every move. The thought that she would return to Chuck's arms after what they had just shared made him sick…the old sickness of the jealous.

Quicker than what he had wished, Blair was ready to leave. She looked like nothing had happened but the smile that she had plastered on her face said otherwise. Dan walked her to the door but they didn't touch or shared a word, by the time she was almost out (in a certain awkward fashion) Dan had the urge to speak, "So…" the always babbling Daniel Humphrey didn't know what to say. He feared that the wrong questions or statements would drive her away like his ultimatum, all those years ago had. Somehow being around her was like walking on thin ice; Dan knew what it was to lose her and this time he had history to help in not to commit the same mistakes of the past. Blair just stood where she had been when he first spoke, her too not knowing what to say next.

"So…er…this was great!" Dan continued non-chalently.

"Yes, it was." Blair replied shyly hiding a small smile.

"But…", that word had Blair's attention and in an instant the awkwardness of the situation grew stronger,"…I-I don't know Blair. We are not like we were before. We have different lives…we have families…I mean…you have a son!"

There it was…the moment that they both dreaded. Blair stood there listening to Dan's words and accepting every one of it. Henry. She had not thought of him when she started to walk the path that lead to Dan, did that make her a bad mother? She was looking for her own happiness at the cost of her son's familiar stability. That thought landed hard on her heart. He was right, it had been wonderful to have all those feelings and sensations back again, but they were not the same people anymore. They had responsibilities that were placed above their own desires. She couldn't talk; she just stared at him trying to figure out how she was feeling about all of this and how certain of his own words was he.

"You are right…" Blair managed to say. Her voice might have sounded strong and assertive, but inside she was fighting as hard as she could the lump that was growing on her throat. "…I have to go now. Bye Dan!" Blair said ever so sweetly. She placed a soft, quick and final kiss on Dan's cheek and she left the loft without another word.

Dan was left paralyzed by the door.

Yes, he had tried to be the voice of reason. To be the adult and responsible one. To save them from the pending disaster that they were together. To be the good guy at Henry's eyes. To be noble. But deep inside he wanted her to shush his worries and assure him that nothing else mattered. He had dreamt too much and in a way he was still that boy that wanted desperately to be loved by the one and only Blair Waldorf who would never put up a fight for his love. However she had just agreed to what he had said…and she had left him. Remorse galloped through his body, and that uneasy feeling that normally follows a broken heart felt upon him. He had brought that upon himself, and even though he could not feel anything else at the moment besides the feeling of loss he truly hoped that one day he would look back and would see that that had been the right thing to do…to step away while he still could. In fairness he had tried to look back before and reach the conclusion that Blair leaving him for Chuck had been the greatest thing that could have ever happened to him, but all of that had lead where he was now. Making the same mistakes all over again.

* * *

The coldness of the pending night touched her skin like blades. Mere minutes ago, she had been on the embrace of her heart's desire and now she had been left alone to face the cold. Her head was spinning and she felt her chest crush slowly, all the more agonizing. She felt like she couldn't breathe, like nothing made sense. She had to get out of that place, Brooklyn was Dan and he had just ditched her after the wonderful day that they had shared. By the time she flagged a taxi sneaky tears were already rolling down her cheeks.

She didn't know where to go. She didn't want to go home, but she could not go anywhere else. Besides that, being far away from home for so long would just raise unwanted questions.

The ride home would be one that she would never forget. It had been enlightening in so many ways and yet, she would not be able to recall all the thoughts that passed through her mind. Most of them were about Dan and a few others about her family. But the main discovery of the night was how unhappy she actually was…how heavy the ghost of her mistake, from all those years ago was.

* * *

Days passed without a single sign of the others' existence.

Dan had merged himself on his novel and on his wife. He loved her, and there was no denying about it. He had just to learn how to love her more than he loved Blair. He had to learn how to want her like he wanted her before, but if that day in the loft with the vixen brunette had taught him something was that there was no possible substitution. He had simply forgotten that over the years; but now her scent was still trapped on his nostrils, her touch engraved on his skin, her flavour on his mouth and her pleased expression stuck on his mind. It was driving him insane.

However he had to be strong and shake those images, those illusions, out of his brain. He made love to his wife more often than before, and no matter how pleasurable that was for him, it could just not compare. He would find himself thinking that on another part of the city, Blair could be participating on the same sort of activities with her spouse, and the thought of it made him sick in a way he could not describe exactly. It was that could green monster that crept on the pitch of one's stomach causing a never ending torment. He tried to write but it would always lead him to a scene that he had before experienced with Blair; even if that would not happen, he would find himself describing a feeling that he could easily connect to one that he had experienced while in her company.

She was everywhere.

But for Blair it hadn't been easy either. Dan could be suffering from the doubts that he might have for her, or hiding a plausible fear of having and losing again; but Blair felt like she had been rejected. She thought that it served her right for what she had done to him in the past. She could never really forgive herself for putting him through that heartache; especially that she had a little bit more insight on how that felt.

After all the things that she had been through with her best friend Serena, and all the amends that they had done for all the wrong doings in the past; Blair was again a teenager version of herself, under the shadow of Serena, wanting what she had and what she could not have. She wanted Dan, and she knew it more clearly than ever, but what was done was done. She knew that she would be forever missing him and she knew she was the one who had brought that upon herself.

* * *

_A/n: to all of you who will keep on reading my story even after the long break that I took…thank you and you deserve an explanation._

_I don't like to enter in details about my personal life, but I don't feel it is right when someone sort of gets us used to a certain rhythm and all of the sudden breaks that veiled promise for so long. Unfortunately for me, I became the Serena from my story…so as you can possibly imagine it has been quite hard to write this story; and trust me I tried. I wrote a very dark chapter and then I admitted that that was not the path that I wanted to go so I settled for this way instead._

_So thank you so much for keep on reading. You have been great…seriously; words cannot describe how much I appreciate your kind words and your opinion._

_I hope you like this chapter._

_Xoxo_

_-patricia_


	14. Chapter 14

That summer that had brought so many changes in their lives was coming to an end. Blair and Dan had managed to break from the old prejudices that had followed their heartbreak, just to fall back in a whole new set of them. Habits can be a hard thing to break from, and certainly their animosity for each other had become a habit.

They had done their best to avoid each other, and they had succeeded. The only time they would see the others' face would be in their dreams, being those tortuous daily mirages or intricate webs with a touch of reality during the night. As for who would think about the other more regularly, it could be called a tie.

Sometimes in her office while trying to focus on the demanding tasks of a CEO, Blair would find herself brushing tears that had started to run down her face…you do only know what you had once you lose it, and Blair had lost it twice. The difference was that this time she knew it had been because of an old bad decision; in fairness she did not regret choosing Chuck that much since it had brought her Henry, her beloved son but another side of her wished he could be Dan's child. She felt trapped and all she wanted to do was run until she dropped from exhaustion; she was desperate to dry all the un-fallen tears but she simply didn't know how. She could go to Dan and beg him to at least give her an explanation of why had he wanted to break free from her, just after they had reconnected. His argument was valid and at the same time it made no sense. What they had shared that day on the loft had been wonderful and definitely there had been strong feelings attached, at least that's what she felt. But she would never surrender her pride and ran to him begging for his love…begging for him to love her again; she wanted that though, she wanted him to forget about Serena, press reset and wake up once again in each other arms in a time where there had been no sex tape with Serena and Dan being the stars. Her vision started to blur again as her eyes filled with tears once again…she didn't recognize herself anymore, where was the strong and independent woman that she had always been? Beaten and broken by her pride and the consequences of all her mistakes.

Chuck had been a whim. She had believed for so long that they were epic, the most powerful combination in the Upper East Side that she eventually felt in love with the idea of them; after all there had always been something that Blair had love more than everything else, and that one thing was status. When she started to have feelings for Dan that notion had been shaken, not only he had been Serena's sweetheart, he could not help her with her ambitions of power and status, he would have the complete opposite effect on that…he was a nobody, but a nobody that she eventually grew into liking. There could be no better match for her intellect and since she was already a powerful woman, it would be acceptable to downgrade herself from a match with the omnipotent Chuck Bass to a harmonious match with a Daniel Humphrey. But she had not been armed with such a strong psyche back then and she had been blinded by what had been expected of her and by Chuck's poisonous charm. But now she was paying the price…now she was fully aware of what she had given up to be with the wrong man, and for the first time she was morning a relationship that she had broken. There could be no worse feeling than to lose something at your own hands and then, regretting that lose.

Her phone vibrated announcing the receiving of a text message. Blair thought about ignoring it once she saw the sender's ID, but she decided against it. It was not fair that her friendship with Serena had to suffer because she had a crush on her friend's husband. That was all that Dan was to her…a crush; she was just a bad looser and that was the reason why she was hurting so bad after he dismissed her.

"Hey B! How have you been? I feel like it has been forever since the last time I've seen you…I miss my best friend!" At this point Blair's heart took a turn…best friend, if only she knew that she had made her husband scream her name in pleasure. The image of Dan's face has he came inside of her, came to her mind giving her cheeks a small flush. "What are you doing today? I would love to go for a coffee with you! Let me know : ) xoxo"

Blair felt bad. She had neglected her friend that theoretically had done nothing wrong to her simply because Blair was being a small child, jealous of the other because she got to play with her favourite toy. Once again, she felt bad for comparing Dan to a toy….he was just a crush, what was wrong with her?

Blair thought about a thousand ways of letting her friend's proposal down, but she did need to get out of the monotony that she had fallen into, and maybe being with her best friend was all that she needed. Or the complete opposite. Disregarding this last thought, Blair quickly moved her fingers through the keypad to write Serena a response.

She stared at her phone watching the little animated envelope being sealed and sent away. Part of her wanted to receive a notification that for some reason the messaged had failed in being sent. Her stomach twirled just with the idea that she would be sitting in front of the woman that was spending the nights with the man that she desired. But when she received the confirmation that her message had been sent, she felt a certain relief. She did miss her best friend and how easy it had once been to talk to her about whatever was going on in their lives.

Blair had her mind in some un-important reverie when her phone vibrated indicating an incoming text. From Serena.

* * *

"Hey B!" Serena greeted enthusiastically at the sight of her best friend walking in the coffee parlour. She stood up to welcome her friend in a tight hug that Blair mimicked half-hearted. "I've missed you! How have you been?"

"Oh, the same…work, Henry, Chuck, work…" she replied while sitting down. "Nothing extraordinary." _Except for the fact that me and your husband got busy with each other a couple of weeks ago_…Blair thought and immediately felt a tug in her heart for both herself and her friend.

"When is Chuck leaving again? Does he know already?"

"You know Chuck…things will come up un-expectedly and off he goes. And since he started developing this idea of extending the Empire to a hotel brand, he has even less time." Blair said matter of factedly without showcasing much emotion regarding her husband's constant trips. "That is what you get when you are a power couple, right? We both have business to develop and with that come a great deal of traveling."

"Queen of the Upper East Side!" Serena stated with a fake serious expression breaking it down with a laugh that Blair reattributed.

"But something tells me that asking about Chucks impending travels was not the reason why you called me here?"

"Oh come on B…can't a girl just want to spend some time with her best, oldest friend?"

"Spit it out!"

"Alright!" Serena gave up and started playing with a lock of her hair. "I think I'm ready to take the next step with Dan, B." Serena spat out not very sure of what she was saying, or maybe just dreading what her best friend had to say about it.

"Next step?" Blair asked confused, not really sure of where this conversation was going.

"Starting a family!" Blair almost choke on her own spit. Her mind started to race through thoughts of a pregnant Serena and a loving Dan next to her caressing her very pregnant belly. She felt sick.

"Are you sure you are ready for this?" Blair asked not sure if she wanted a reply. Hell she didn't want to hear another word about this topic.

"I think so B." Serena was not looking at her directly in the eye; instead she kept playing with her locks, curling them up around her fingers. "I mean…I love Dan and he loves me too, we are young and successful. This is the perfect time, isn't it?"

"Serena this is a very serious step that requires a lot of sacrifice. You will have to put your career on hold for the duration of your pregnancy and for the first months of your baby's life. I love Henry…God he is the most important thing in my life…but I had to give a lot of things up when I had him that I realized I was not ready yet to do so."

"I'm ready B…I know I am!" Serena finally looked her in the eye and Blair felt a coldness grow in the pitch of her stomach when she saw the determination on her friend's eyes.

"S…I'm sorry to ask but is there something else triggering this urge to become a mother?" She was dreading the answer to her next question, but something inside of her told her that she needed to know the answer to it. "Are things with you and Dan going well?"

"Oh everything is going just perfect. Yes, sometimes Dan gets a little bit distant but that's his writer soul taking the best of him; but disregarding that everything is perfect." Serena finished with a smile and Blair felt her throat tightening. She wished Serena would have something to complain about; she wished she would have said that he hadn't touched her in a while, that she wanted to have this baby to salvage her marriage. But apparently that was not the case and at that realization she felt dirty for wishing her best friend everything but marital bliss.

"Then you should talk to Dan about it." Her heart sank as soon as her own piece of advice was out of her mouth. She knew she was in trouble, she knew that her heart would not hold the grief of seeing Serena and Dan bringing a child together to this world. But yet again, she had done the same with Chuck and it was only normal that Serena and Dan would eventually do the same.

"I think I will…" Serena said with a big smile plastered on her face.

The rest of the afternoon went smoothly with some casual chat and a bunch of updates on Serena's side. However Blair's heart and attention was nowhere near that coffee table. At this point all she wanted to do was to go home and get in bed with her husband so that he could make everything wash away. She felt desperate to fall in love with Chuck again…with her choice…but right now all she could feel was the cold sting of both regret and jealousy.

* * *

Dan was sitting in front of his computer with a bunch of papers around him. Most of them were notes that he had taken just a few hours ago in one of his many walks for inspiration. He was completed submerged in his plot when the elevator doors opened with a familiar ding. However Dan did not register the walking beam of sunshine that had just walked him.

Serena noticed how focus her husband was and feeling like surprising him; she walked slowly towards him placing herself behind him. She lowered herself graciously to place a soft kiss on his cheek. Dan jolted at the unexpected contact, breaking from his deep level of concentration.

"Hello handsome!" She whispered sultrily into his ear.

"Hello there!" Dan replied at the same time as he tilted his body to the side to be able to kiss his wife fully on the lips.

Serena moaned into his lips, welcoming his actions. As soon as they broke free she proceeded in sitting on his lap not only to be closer to him but also to be in a more comfortable position for the impending talk that they were about to have. Before starting the topic she kissed him one more time and this time it was Dan's turn to moan into her mouth.

"Dan…" she said out of breath after breaking the kiss. She was not sure how to start this conversation so she just decided to blunt it out for him. "I-I want to have a baby!"

Suddenly Dan's body got tense. He was not expecting something like this to come up…especially not this way. "Serena…" he was at a loss of words. He didn't even know if he wanted a child, let alone with her. As soon as this thought crossed his mind he wished it away as he knew with whom he wouldn't mind having a child and that was just a venomous idea. "Are you sure?"

"Yes…I want this Dan, I want to become a mother and I want you to be the father of my children." Serena spoke with such conviction that Dan was not sure how to let this conversation down…hell he didn't even know if he wanted to let it down. He was extremely confused at this point.

"Wow…I mean…Wooow! I was not expecting that."

"What? It's only natural that at some point we feel the will to start building up a family."

"Of course! You are absolutely right…" Dan started to feel a cold sweat building up on the bottom of his back, "I just…I just need some time to adjust to the idea. I don't mean to sound cruel or anything, but I'm just so busy with this book and its deadlines…can I maybe have some time to think about this?"

"Don't you want to have a child with me?" Serena's voice sounded hurt and Dan felt a pang in his heart. He kissed her softly as if it was his way of apologizing for not being at the same page as his wife was and consequently causing her pain.

"That's not it…" he said when he was done kissing her. "I just need some time to adapt to the idea. After Milo's experience…I need to be fully on board with this and I think I'm not yet warm enough to the idea of becoming a father." Serena let out a cute laugh that confused Dan.

"You are nervous!" She mocked with amusement.

"Well…yeah…it's not every day that your wife comes up to you and tells you that she wants to have a child."

Serena laughed again, lifting up the grey cloud that had been set in the room with her revelation. "I understand." She assured him giving him a quick kiss. "Take your time!" she leaned in for another quick kiss, but it lasted longer than she was expecting. "In the meantime…why don't we start practicing the baby making?" she asked with a sultry, soft voice.

Dan immediately lifted her in his arms and carried her to their bedroom. However his mind was far away from the woman that he was carrying. With Serena's announcement that she was ready to carry his child came the realization that he wished that a specific brunette had been the one to mutter those words.

* * *

In a different penthouse in the Upper East Side, Blair lied on her side in bed with a content Chuck recovering his strength next to her. She had done what she had planned. She had texted Chuck to meet her at home in that instant and as soon as his figure stepped out of the door she jumped on him with a now not so regular heat and made her intentions very clear. After a few heated kisses in different spots of the penthouse, they ended up having heated sex in their bedroom.

Blair wanted desperately to feel something with it, but all she could feel was how wrong it all had felt and how much she wanted Dan to be the one making love to her. Because that had become the difference to her, Dan was the love maker; it didn't matter how rough or how slow and tender it was, because at the end it was all an explosion of emotions…mainly passion. She felt dirty and every deep breath that Chuck would take to gain a regular breathing pattern made her feel sick to the core of her stomach; she fight back tears.

Laying there a random thought crossed her mind. Of all things, she remembered a line from somewhere where a blind man was asked if he wished to gain his vision back for a full day. He had said no on the grounds that, why would he want to have something that he wanted so badly knowing that he would lose it all over again and then he would be tormented with the images of what he was missing. Never before had she so deeply understood what that actually meant; she was living it! She had known love for a full day, just to lose it all and to be forever tormented with the memories and hopes of what it could have been. She had made herself go blind. Silent tear finally started to roll down her cheeks.

* * *

Their teenage years had been marked by intricate schemes, burlesque behaviours and exclusive parties. Some more than others dwelled in some of those vices and adult life had proven to not fall far from what they had grown used to. They would no longer drink themselves to a drunken stupor nor would they use heavy drugs as an excuse to numb some overwhelming feelings, or even just for a good time. But if there had been something that had not changed one bit, it was the affluence of parties in their lives. They would still mingle with those who they had mingled as they were growing up but now some bigger fishes had been placed in the same aquarium, or at least now they were aware of them.

Summer was the season for these social gatherings, and one of the most expected events was the white party in the Hamptons that had been a tradition since Cici's realm. Lilly who had returned to Bass industries after Chuck's take over, had been the heiress to her mother's tradition. She would move to the Hamptons a couple of weeks prior, to get not only some rest from the busy city life but also for some inspiration. Her daughter and son-in-law would normally follow suit, since Dan enjoyed the peace of the end of the season there to get some inspiration. Normally watching the last quarrels of those who retreat to that area for several reasons, without knowing what had happened during the season, inspired Dan to write intrinsic plots; but this year he feared it would be different. Serena wanted a baby and he wanted, well...Blair, that situation was already twisted enough for him to write the novel of his life, but he would never do so, that would just bring way too much pain to everyone involved.

In the past he had loved this little escapade but this year he was dreading it since it would be the first time that he and Blair would be forced in the presence of the other. Not seeing her made everything much easier and much worst; easier in the sense that without her physical presence he had no impulses to fight against, much worst because she was occupying every corner of his mind and it was driving him insane. However, he had no idea how to get out of this situation, was it something he would have to live with for the rest of his life?

Serena's voice in the background brought him back from this train of thought. She was discussing the party plans with Lilly animatedly when her mobile started to ring. Dan watched as his wife excused herself and exited to the garden only to come back a few minutes later with a heavy expression. Dan didn't even need a word from her; from her face he knew that it could only be one thing: work.

* * *

The days that preceded the party had been filled with anxiety. Dan knew that Blair was already in the Hamptons just waiting for her husband to join. However he hadn't seen her once in those days, always find an excuse not to be around any time that she would come to the Rhode's Manor. Blair knew better than to come un-announced as if she too was warning Dan that it was better for him not to be around. He wanted to see her, there was no question in that; every part of him twitched with will and fear in laying eyes on the vixen brunette.

He would have the opportunity of doing so at the party.

* * *

Everybody who was someone in Manhattan's society was dressed in white in the glorious garden of the Rhode's house. It didn't matter how long Dan had been a part of that world, he would always look at them with the same eyes as that kid he had been in his teens, fascinated and scared of all this people. The main difference was that back then no one had truly noticed him, he could have had been easily mistaken by a garcon, but now he was there in the condition of husband of the hostess and one of the hottest writers of the moment.

He moved among the crowd with a certain grace that he had acquired over the years; he welcomed and greeted people always making some mention to what he knew about their lives being that a _I heard your daughter is going to Yale this Fall, you must be really proud_; or a _how were your days in St. Bart? _People would consider him a great host, after all he did have his ways with words, but on the inside he wanted to be everywhere but there, however he had a duty to fulfil and the possibility of seeing Blair was also a catch. He just wanted to see her, even if it would be for brief seconds…he had to.

He finally spotted her in the distance talking to some random people that he could not pay attention to. She was a vision in white, her auburn locks falling gracefully down her shoulders in beautiful long waves. Her white dress wrapped her body perfectly and Dan could not help but wonder on what was beneath that clothing, her naked body was too engraved in his memory and this outfit fuelled his imagination. His reverie was however broken when a masculine hand rested on Blair's shoulder: her husband's hand. Dan's heart tugged at the sight of him; maybe their recent little rendezvous had awaken the hatred that Dan felt towards Chuck, but in that sole moment all that he wanted to do was to slap Chuck's hand out of Blair shoulders and grab her as his. He was going insane. He was married to one of the most beautiful women in the world, who in fact wanted to have his child and yet he could not help but to pine all over his wife's best friend; a girl that had in fact broken his heart some years ago. Something must have been very wrong with him! Not being able to bear that scenario for much longer, he moved to the nearest drink stand, wishing to numb his pain with a whiskey on the rocks.

Dan's movement brought Blair's eyes to his side of the garden. If he had been there still, he would have seen the mix of hanger, hurt and desire in her gaze. She fought the will to shake whatever thoughts of him crossed her mind, but she decided against and switched her attention to the people that were around her, well...at least her sight was on them because her thoughts were on the man that did nothing but think about her, she was just not aware of that. Without warning some gentle hands rested on his shoulders, and seconds later his wife's face rested on his shoulder too. He welcomed the distraction.

"Are you having a good time?" She asked sweetly.

"It's a great party!" Dan replied half-heartedly and it didn't go unnoticed to Serena.

"Are you still upset that I will have to leave?" She asked with a certain level of regret in her voice. Dan felt relieve that his lack of enthusiasm was being perceived by Serena as a result of her impending trip and the corruption of their plans together.

"Well...yeah, but I will get over it. It was just that I was really looking forward to spend these days here with you."

Serena kissed his cheek sweetly and Dan felt bad for the half lie that he was telling her.  
"I know it is not ideal, but I promise that sooner than you expect we will have our little vacation in the Hamptons." She finished her promise with a quick peck on his lips.

From the other side of the garden, Blair watched the couple exchanging this little showcase of affection and she could not help but to feel her stomach grow cold with both pain and jealousy. She wanted to be in Serena's place so badly right now, but even if she would be Dan would not look at her the same way. She could just not compare to her blonde best friend who had taken a man that she loved from her, and caught the one that Blair had wrongly dropped. Chuck watched silently the transformation on his wife's face, a change from a regular pleased expression to a sad visage.

"Is something wrong Blair?" Chuck asked gently catching her by surprise.

"Everything is perfect...I guess I'm just feeling a little bit nostalgic, that's all!"

* * *

"Come with me to Blair and Chuck…" Serena mentioned noticing the bored expression on her best friend's face.

"Do I really have to?" Dan asked not really wanting to face his object of desire, especially with his wife next to him.

"Oh come on Dan! You guys seem to have done so much progress while organizing Henry's birthday party!"

_If only you knew!_ Dan thought with bitterness, but obliged to his wife's request. As they were approaching the other couple, Dan could see Blair's body stiffing. She wanted his presence as much as she wanted to be caught wearing a last season's attire. Her eyes were fixed in his and thankfully no one else seemed to notice, it was a mix of surprise in seeing him and disgust…Dan was definitely not comfortable with the situation either. She diverted her gaze to her husband when they were a mere centimetres away. However Chuck and Serena brought the attention to the imminent gathering as they happily acknowledged the others presence by moving quickly into a fraternal hug.

"Wonderful party sis!" it was still creepy to Dan to hear Chuck refer to Serena as his sister, but he knew that somehow they did have that siblings bound.

"Thank you!"

Chuck then diverted his attention to Dan and he felt his blood freeze. "Humphrey…" the way he pronounced Dan's name had always brought chills to Dan's spine, "I have yet to thank you for helping organizing my son's birthday party. It pains me to know that I was not there, but Henry told me all about it." Chuck extended a hand in Dan's direction for him to shake, and not wanting to be rude, he did so.

At the mention of Henry's birthday party, the moment with Blair on the stables came to Dan's mind and he felt a burning desire to taste her lips once again. She was just looking so beautiful in her white dress. "It was my pleasure!" Dan said with a double innuendo.

Blair and Serena were exchanging hugs and smiles at this point, and Dan could not help but to look at the two women in his life, clearly knowing which one he wanted.

"So, ready for another end of the season in the Hamptons?" Chuck tossed the question, more directly to Serena.

"Well, unfortunately this year there had been a little set back…" Serena started to explain giving Dan an apologetic smile. "I was called for a photo shoot, so I won't be staying here." She announced while caressing Dan's arm. Blair watched them with the desire of jumping on her best friend for touching that man in such a way. "So this year it will only be Dan here."

"That's a shame!" Blair commented with masked sarcasm. "And where will this photo shoot take place?"

"In Tokyo! I'm very excited about it but at the same time I really was looking forward for some relaxing weeks here with Dan." Serena said while grabbing Dan's arm and leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Well, I will be travelling to Shanghai very soon; if the dates match you can take the private jet with me and then follow your course to Tokyo. I won't need it in my first days in Shanghai so there is no problem if you take it to Tokyo and then send it back." Chuck proposed with his smooth "I can do it all" voice, it couldn't have annoyed Dan any further, but all of this gave him an idea.

They kept on with the light chat until Dan excused himself. Before he left the group he exchanged a furtive gaze with Blair, hopping that she would understand where he was getting at.

A few minutes later, still in the company of Chuck and Serena, Blair received a message from an unknown number. "Meet me in the master bedroom." Her heart skipped a beat as she read the message; even though it was not signed she had no doubt of whom it was coming from. Dan. How dared he to ask her to meet him after the stunt that he had pulled in the loft? Didn't he think that she would have any self-respect? She did her best to mask all the feelings that were crossing her mind and heart at that moment and tried her best to focus on the light conversation that was being exchanged mainly by Serena and Chuck. She tried to resist as long as she could but in a corner of her mind the doubt of what could he possibly want with her, wasn't giving her any rest.

Not being able to resist it any longer, she excused herself pledging that she had to go to the ladies room and exit in direction to the master suite.

* * *

Blair opened the door slowly, not sure what to expect. She took a while to finally give into curiosity and seek for him and she was not sure he would be still waiting. Her heart was beating furiously on her chest and she was trying to shake away a slight hand tremor. She took a deep breath before entering the room. His figure standing tall a few meters away from the window was the first thing that she laid her eyes upon. He turned into her direction as soon as he felt steps on the hard wood floor.

"Blair..." He let out her name in a relieved exhale, "you came!"

"Yes I did, I'm not entirely sure why I did so thou! I hope you don't have to break to me any news in the area of STDs'" Blair replied coldly. Defense was her best approach and it didn't take long for Dan to realize what she was doing; he knew her so well.

"No...That's not it, I can rest you assure that in that area you have nothing to worry about." He said as he walked one step into her direction to which Blair replied by giving one step back with a stern look on her face. "You look so beautiful!" This thought escaped Dan's mind in the form of words.

"Dan if this is what you called me for, I don't see any point in being here." She stated coldly and moved her body towards the door mimicking an exit.

"No!" Dan semi-shouted while raising one hand in a plead fashion. "I'm sorry...I called here be-because we need to talk..."

"I think we are past that!" Blair cut him off, not bothering to look into his direction nor even moving her hand away from the door knob.

"I don't think so...I..." Dan paused for a deep breath and to gain courage to carry on with what he had to say. "I know I sound like a bipolar kid, but...you do this to me...you scare the hell out of me, because I want you so badly and I don't know where you stand." He took another step into her direction and this time she didn't move. "I mean, there was a time that I thought that you wanted me too, and we all know how that ended up! Like it or not I'm in a good place with Serena now and I just don't want to send it all to hell, just to end up alone." Her hand was shaking again and she found herself fighting back tears, "but at the same time the truth is that I cannot stop thinking about you...I thought that I was doing the right thing back in the loft but, it has only been hell since then..."

"Dan..." Her voice was a completely different tone now, it sounded like she was pleading him for something, "...please stop!" And with that she finally opened the door and exited, leaving a dumb fold Dan behind.

* * *

_A/n: And here is another chapter...i hope you enjoy it :)_

_I would also liked to take this chance to THANK YOU ALL for reading my story and for the wonderful reviews that you have written. It is great to get feedback and I must say that it really makes my day to see on my inbox that this story got another review. Thank you so much for that._

_-patricia_


	15. Chapter 15

The days that preceded the party went as planned. Serena and Chuck left together to Asia with the promise to return as soon as their jobs would allow. Dan stayed alone in the Hamptons with his writing and his thoughts. Blair returned to New York both to resume to work and to get away from Dan; since Henry was in France with his grandparents, he couldn't be used as an excuse, but work could.  
The words that Dan had proffered still echoed in both her mind and her heart, and that only add to her confusion. Truth be told he had melted her heart with his words and it had taken all of her will not to run towards him and kiss him senseless nor to cry. However something had stopped her and she couldn't say exactly what it had been. On one side she had her consuming pride after all he did dump her right after a blissed day together, and she had never felt so rejected. Yes, she had been rejected before, used even, but not in her adult life and yet, even with all the teenage drama added, it had never hurt that much. On the other side of the equation there was this guilt. She felt guilty for hurting him so badly all those years ago, and in truth she had never realized how much damage she had inflicted until recently...so if his fear of her breaking his heart again had been provoked by her previous actions, she was partly to blame for her current  
situation. Those were the thoughts that would keep her from sleeping, that would break her happily married woman mask during the day when she thought that no one was watching, that were so overwhelming that in one or two occasions brought uncontrollable tears to her eyes and had her bending on her knees in a desperate crying session. A couple of months ago her son had asked her if she was happy, and she had reassured him that she was very very happy, however that had the sinking feeling of having occurred in a totally different life time; she was not happy...not happy at all.

* * *

Dan sat in the side of the bed. His knees parted and used as support for his elbows that were being used as a support for his head. Another sleepless night; another memory of Blair and one more time regretting having laid her off in the loft. Had he not tried to be so noble, had he begged her to stay with him and she would probably be on his bed right now...and he wouldn't be so tired due to the lack of sleep; he wouldn't feel the urge to drink himself into oblivion and he wouldn't be so unhappy. Well, maybe he would be a different kind of unhappy for knowing that he was doing something wrong...that he was hurting Serena. What a mess! If only had he resisted the temptation that had been Serena at the Sheppard's divorce; if he hadn't forced Blair to declare her love for him, maybe she hadn't ran to Chuck's arms or even if she did, without that damned sex tape he could have had won Blair back. But life is made of ifs and insanity is not being able to move pass those defying moments.  
Dan raised his head with melancholy to look outside of his window; the city that never sleeps fitted his current state perfectly.  
And to add to it all, the desire that his wife had verbalized a few days back crossed his mind as either a solution or a further damnation: having a baby! It could be what he needed to delete any chances of ever being with Blair again, but did he really want that? At that point the possibility of ever being with her again was the fuel that made him move; and the fuel to his personal hell. Maybe he should have this baby with Serena! He wanted to be a father and a child with Serena was not exactly the worst thing in the world. But what if Blair…

* * *

"Dorota!" Blair shouted from the top of the stairs. "Dorota!"

"Yes, Mrs. Blair." Dorota replied as soon as she stepped into the living room.

"Dorota I must leave New York for a couple of days. Please proceed with the arrangements...prepare my luggage, which I will supervise naturally and you will be in charge of the household, so please any calls for me, just tell the caller that I will return it as soon as my schedule allows it." Blair dictated with an authoritarian tone.

"Yes Mrs. Blair! But..."

"Oh and ask the chauffeur to prepare the town car to take me to the airport...I must leave at once!"

"Yes Mrs. Blair, but..."

"What Dorota?" Blair asked with annoyance.

"Where should I pack to?"

"Paris, Dorota! What else?"

"And when will Mrs. Blair leave?"

"Tonight."

* * *

Blair watched as Dorota flashed her dress after dress, but she was not paying minimum attention to what was being shown to her, nor to what Dorota was babbling about.

"Mrs. Blair is distracted! Dorota almost packs last season dress and Mrs. Blair doesn't say a word." Dorota looked at Blair with her natural concern. Over the years she had seen that little girl transforming into the woman before her eyes, it was only natural that she would recognize when something was not right.

"I beckon your better judgment Dorota. If I hadn't said a word is because I was expecting you to realize your mistake and amend it. After all you do work for one of the biggest fashion brands in New York, it is only expected that you have a trained eye in fashion as well"

"No...no! Mrs. Blair has sad face like something wrong...very wrong!"

"Now you are just prying! Please resume your duties and let me be."

"As you wish...is Mrs. Blair going for business?"

"Yes, but you can pack a mix of business and casual! If I miss something I can always do some shopping." Blair replied lightly.

It was difficult for her to keep her focus on what Dorota was doing and she just hopped that the maid wouldn't pack any fashion disasters...not that she had any in her closet, but she definitely wouldn't like to be spotted with last year's trends in Paris.  
This trip would do her well, she could not stand being in New York with the temptation that was an alone Dan Humphrey in the Hamptons. However in a few hours from there they would be on a plane to the city of lights...far from New York and from Dan. She would stay there as long as it was necessary to gather herself together...to decide if Dan was worth the risk of leaving everything she knew and to suffer the prejudice of being yet another Upper East Side cliché: cheating on her husband with her best friend's husband. She would ask herself how did she got herself in such a situation, but she knew the answer to that...and that hurt more than anything. It had all been her mistake.

* * *

The night had started to fall. Dan was sitting by the pool, glass in hand and his note block laying on the floor. He had given up on trying to get inspiration...it was all a big loop that systematically ended up with Blair. So he was just going to drink himself numb, he was alone after all so he could do whatever he wanted, whatever he had to to forget the pain that it had been watching her leave once again pretty much after he had declared his reasoning for pushing her away...most likely she didn't care! *one gulp* No, he would never be her prince charming...first she had an actual prince for a husband, *one sip* and now to a man that literally owned an empire! *one sip* what did he had to offer? Just his heart and what was that to Blair Warldorf Bass when all the others could offer her status, power and the continuity of a legacy. *chug it down* Dan filled the glass absently. The bottle was close to be half empty and yet the numbness had yet to come;  
to add to his luck list, today seemed one of those days when you can drink as much as you want and you will still be the most sober person in the room.

* * *

Blair stared emptily to the cityscape of Manhattan while she waited for the last pieces of her luggage to be brought down to the car. Soon she would be gone, for a little while at least, and away from Dan.

_Dan._

The thought of him brought tears to her eyes and even though she fought bravely against them, one lone tear dared to roll down her cheek.

"Mrs. Blair, it's all down!" Dorota announced softly sensing the brunette's fragility.

Blair brought one hand to her cheek to remove the traces of the daring tear before she turned around, with the brightest face that she could pull. "Thank you Dorota" The maid nodded and Blair directed herself to the lift "A bien tot!" She tried to sound as lightly as possible with her goodbyes, but Dorota would have said that she failed miserably. And it was with a heart filled with worry and sorrow that Dorota saw Blair entering the lift and vanish to Paris.

* * *

Everything that he could think of was her and the long way that they had to go to eventually see each other at a different light. Truth be told it had taken much less time to Dan. *one sip* He remembered finding her sitting in a corner, completely broken by both her mother and her best friend. *one sip* it had been the first time that they had talked...truly talked and even though the spell hadn't last for long, that day he saw a different side of her. *one sip* He never forgot what he saw that day.

* * *

The long black car waited in front of her building. The chauffeur opened the door as it was his habit, and Blair entered without a second look back. She had to do this, she needed to.  
Knowing exactly the destination, the chauffeur just limited himself to drive away without a word; Blair felt that if she had to give out the order, she would not be able to finish it...it was better like this.  
She rested her head on the window. Her glance over the passing city was melancholic; however it had nothing to do with what was passing by her eyes. Her mind had wandered off to every problem that she was having at the moment: the decline of her marriage and her affair with her best friend's husband. The last being the reason why she was fleeing town.

* * *

His mind was starting to be a blissful blur, but as he had predicted, she was all he could think of and its was breaking him. He had to break through that pain, he had too! Why was the brunette vixen so engraved in both his chest and his head? He had had his fair share of women before, but none had left a mark like Blair Waldorf.*one sip*  
Why couldn't she see that she was the only one for him?  
He had done some mistakes...that was true, but it didn't mean that his love was less true!  
*a large gulp*  
The alcohol was taking its toll on him.

* * *

She was so lost in her own thoughts that it took her a while to notice where she was: Brooklyn. She had to cross it in order to get to JFK, and she didn't think of asking the driver to take another route. That was like a walk through memory lane in the worst time possible. Everything that she was running from was now more and more vivid in her mind and heart.

Visions of their friendship times in the loft pained her. His soft and encouraging words in the time that she had needed them the most. He had declared his love to her so long before she even realized it herself...she just hadn't paid enough attention; he had been her safe port when she thought she had to face all those torments alone. The baby, Louis, Chuck, her times in W...it had all been Dan to give her strength when she had forgotten that she still had it within...he had reminded her of who she was and who she could be.

Her heart tugged a little bit further.

* * *

Damn her for making him suffer likes this, Dan thought as the alcohol consumed all of his emotions and made them double in intensity, or simply brought to light their true dimensions...who knew?  
Tears were now dropping down his checks like a cascade, and in the loneliness and desperation that he had also found his escape to let it all out.

* * *

From visions of a great friendship came visions of a wonderful romance. He had been gentle to her and never in her life had she felt so safe in the arms of a man that was not her father. He brought little to no drama, and he wanted her for her, not for what she could bring him.  
When he made her put on that zirconia tiara to give her another shot at being a princess...it had been the most considerate, sweetest gesture that anyone had ever demonstrated towards her. She missed him...she missed this wonderful Dan that she had treated so poorly. And once again that evening her heart did the unthinkable and sank a little bit further, and the tears that were now rolling down her cheek were living proof of that.

* * *

The flow of tears started to cease. He was not known for crying, not even with the high amount of alcohol on his system. Slowly he started to fell calmer, a reaction of those who loose hope. Enough of crying over Blair Waldorf...she had become a Bass because of her own doing, her own decision...over him, why was he crying over someone that hadn't blinked when the time to dump him came?  
He could let himself fall into the path of hate again, but if he had learned something from the past was that it was a poisonous road that affected those that had nothing to do with his own demons.  
No! He wouldn't go back on hating Blair, but he was not going to love her anymore either! With time there could be a possibility for them to become friends, but it would take a while.

Dan laid back on the sun bed and stared at the stars for a while, lost on his thoughts of the brunette that he had just decided that he would give up on; eventually he dozed off to sleep.

* * *

As the car was getting closer and closer to the airport, she started to feel an overwhelming sensation of panic. Her breathing became erratic and the before gentle tears, had become more constant...a flow.  
She was feeling a rush of emotions, and they were not the most positive ones. She never thought that trying to close this chapter would be so hard on her. She cursed her own anatomy for not being able to just press a delete button and erase her mind, her heart. And it was all her fault...she only had herself to blame. It just hurt more than anything she had ever experienced.  
With her surroundings came the recognition that she was getting closer and closer to the airport and therefore to Paris. As suddenly as this realisation hit her she started to feel as if she was caged, trapped in her own car; at each wheel movement the feeling of claustrophobia grew more and more suffocating, until it reached her limit.  
Breathing heavily she shouted one single word filled with emotion and with a scary certainty to the chauffeur.  
"Stop!"

* * *

Dan lied on a sun bed by the pool. The alcohol was slowly wearing his effects off of him. The cool summer breeze brought him an unusual comfort as if it was all he needed at that moment. The night was darker than what it would be expected, without a single star in sky to add to the obscurity of the moment.  
"Why her?" He heard a familiar voice ask behind him. It was a soft female voice that carried so much sorrow on its tone, it actually broke his heart.  
He looked around to identify the speaker, but there was no one in sight. He heard her again, asking the same exact question, "Why her?", but this time her voice was much more assertive and the sorrow had been replaced with anger.  
Dan repeated his previous action and he again looked around to try to visualise the woman that spoke to him.  
He felt as if the night had become even darker and colder. He couldn't, for the sake of him, say who that woman was just by the sound of her voice, he just knew that whoever she might be...he knew her.  
"Damn alcohol!" Dan reflected on a low tone, but taken by his curiosity and the creepiness of the situation, he prepared his manliest voice and shouted to the darkness, "who is here?"

Silence was all that he got. The night was pitch black now, and Dan could no longer distinguish any of his surroundings.  
"Who's there?" He repeated with the same tone as before. "Show yourself!" He ordered.  
But the only reply that he received this time was a ringing sound. The sound was crescent and unsure of its origins, Dan lowered his body to the ground and covered his ears; but the sound only seemed to get louder and louder.

Dan jumped from the sun bed with some drops of sweat shining on his forehead. It had been just a dream. He let out a relieved exhale, but his nightmare converted into reality when he heard the ringing sound again. At first, in his gaze of confusion he hadn't be able to identify the origin of such sound, but when the faint sound of someone hitting their hands against the wooden door he knew that he had a visitor...and by the sound of it, this person was in a rush.

He got up from the sun bed slowly and wiped the drops of sweat with a towel that was lying around. The knocks became stronger and Dan decided that he should rush to the door.

"Coming!" He shouted to the unknown visitor. Fuck, what if it was the police? What if something happened? This late at night it couldn't be a visit for tea!

Dan's heart started to race and he started to feel the beginning pain of a headache. As his hand touched the door knob a shiver went down his spine. Filling his lungs with air for courage, he opened the door.

The visitor didn't give him time to react. As soon as the door swung open Dan lips were taken. He didn't have time to mutter a word; he didn't have time to even think of such words, his whole was busy with the loving kiss that he was sharing at that moment. A kiss filled with passion, despair and an undeniable feeling of completion.

"You taste like whiskey!" she muttered against his lips.

"And you are crying!"

"Thank you for pointing that out!" she didn't allow him any additional time for words, as she crashed her lips against his once again.

Passing the initial shock, their hands started to explore the others body as their urge grew stronger. Dan indicated that he wanted to lift her, and Blair automatically gave a slight jump and wrapped her legs around his waist. They were both lost in the moment; their kiss was the only real thing around them…no words needed, since their actions spoke to the other like a descriptive book. Her hands initially laid on both of his cheeks, as if that was the only thing that kept him close to her; but as the kiss intensified she started to feel more confident and she allowed her hands to seek other resting places. On the other hand, Dan was restless; still not hundred percent if what was happening was real or an alcohol induced fantasy. Either way he didn't want that moment to be over anytime soon.

He started to move slowly into his bedroom with Blair still wrapped around him. He wanted as much as a thirsty man in the desert wants water, but he would not let his urges take over him and induce him to fuck her and not to make love to her. He wanted to take his time, to indulge in the sweet torture of loving her slowly.

* * *

The bedroom was only graced by whatever light came from the outside. Dan laid Blair on the bed slowly and stood in front of her simply staring at her. Her beauty, her eyes tainted with red from crying, but also glazed with desire. Her chest raised and lowered quickly; bringing her breast into his attention, her mouth parted slightly at every breath producing the most seductive sound he had any memory of hearing. He silenced his brunette Siren with his lips, enjoying once again her taste, her warmth, and her tongue movements; however something in the back of his head made him stop. There was something that he had to tell her before they could continue.

"Blair…" he whispered softly a few seconds after breaking the kiss. She didn't mutter a word; she simply looked into his eyes and waited for him to be ready to say whatever he had to. "This time…" he found words hard to pronounce, he felt her tense underneath him, he felt his heart beating even faster; she looked at him quizzically trying to understand where this was going to lead them, but at the same time with a comforting feeling in her chest; "…I won't back out!"

In an impulse she raised herself to lock her lips in his. Tears started to roll down her cheek, very Blair-unlike, but her chest was crushed with love.

"I love you." Blair whispered into his lips.

Dan moved away from her as if a jolt had hit him. He just looked at her with an expression of both confusion and surprise. She had seen this expression before…when she first called him "Dan".

"What?" she asked in a sweet voice.

"You said you loved me."

"I did…I love you…" Dan didn't give her any more room for words; he crashed his lips on hers with a gentle force that made her lie in bed with him atop. It was the sweetest kiss that they had ever shared, slow and gentle.

"I love you too." He said into her mouth, not breaking the kiss and he could feel her lips gesturing into a smile.

* * *

They made love that night. Slow, sweet and full of passion. She was his and he was hers, and for the first time in their history together they were both fully aware of that.

* * *

_A/N: I hoped you liked this chapter…I think this marks a turn in the story and the end should be coming soon._

_Sorry for the long time it took me to post it thou…I was not entirely sure how to write this chapter to be honest, some parts just had a flow to it but others were a true writer's block._

_Can't wait to have your feedback J_

_Xoxo_

_-patricia_


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